The Leader
Scallion

[SATIRE] 03.08.23 Horoscopes

JAY BYRON
Staff Scallywag

Graphic from The Leader archives.

Hello Fredonia! I’m feeling inspired by The Leader’s Managing Editor Chloe Kowalyk’s idea: what pasta type are you?

Aries: Linguine. In your heart, you are just a stranger, bigger noodle than most other noodles.

Taurus: Bucatini. You try hard to be better than everyone else. Sometimes it works.

Gemini: Farfalle. You’re cute, but people can’t decide if they love or hate you for that.

Cancer: Spaghetti. You’re reliable and everyone cherishes you.

Leo: Campanelle. You love being different, don’t you?

Virgo: Pastina. Everyone loves you since you give people hope. You’re a star!

Libra: Gnocchi. You are versatile and you make everyone feel at home.

Scorpio: Macaroni. Classic, cute and everyone has a very strong opinion about you.

Sagittarius: Orzo. You’re only good for soup. 

Capricorn: Orecchiette. You pick up everyone’s messes.

Aquarius: Lasagna. You think you’re really cool for this, but you only have one talent. Sorry.

Pisces: Mini wheels. Omg, is that you? It’s been forever! Very nostalgic and kind.

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