JACE JACOBS
Guest Scallywag, Semi-Pro Interpreter of the Stars
This month the stars have some wisdom for the signs on where they’ll meet their soulmates. Keep an eye out for platonic and romantic vibes alike!
Aries: As soon as the alien invasion happens, that’s where you’ll find your soulmate. Only someone from deep space could truly understand you.
Taurus: You’ve already met your soulmate in the Buca Di Beppo parking lot on 4/20. Please contact me ASAP if you eat spaghetti Lady and the Tramp style.
Gemini: Let me set the scene for you: You’re at a late spring wedding. You catch the bride’s bouquet and lock eyes with a cutie across the dance floor. It’s cheesy, and everyone might hate you for catching those flowers, but you gotta live your life!
Cancer: Congrats! You’ve already met your soulmate!
Leo: You’re going to be pulled up onstage at a Big Time Rush concert to be serenaded by the boys. You’re so charming that James won’t be able to resist you. Find the nearest concert and GO!
Virgo: You’re going to meet Harry Styles in London this fall in a small coffee shop. Spoiler alert, you’re going to convince him to revive One Direction because he loves you so much.
Libra: You’re so cool that you’re going to have multiple soulmates! You’ve already met some, and others you won’t meet for years. Keep your eyes peeled for good vibes!
Scorpio: You’re going to find your soulmate at the beach this June! They’ll be playing beach volleyball while you hang out on the sand.
Sagittarius: The classroom is where you’ll meet your soulmate! This September, you’ll find them sitting next to you in the lecture hall.
Capricorn: This July, love will find you at your summer job! Don’t look past that Karen yelling at you, you can fix them!
Aquarius: You’ll find your soulmate once you have a steady job. They’ll have the desk right across from you. Ask them to lunch and see where it goes!
Pisces: You’ll find your soulmate crushing it at skee ball at your local Dave & Busters this August. Buy them a crappy burger and they’ll love you forever.