JACE JACOBS
Assistant Scallion Editor
Since the release of the “Barbie” movie, a new phenomenon has been sweeping the nation: Kenergy.
Unfortunately, this movement has been misconstrued and overtaken by what I call “Fens” (fake Kens).
Kenergy isn’t for every man, and some men don’t get that. Kenergy is for guys like me who have complex emotions, a complicated relationship with most women and conflicting feelings about what role horses play in society.
Also, Kenergy isn’t just for men. It’s for guys. Guys are Kens, Kens are Guys, that’s just how it works. Men gatekeep too many things, and I will NOT let Kenergy be added to the list.
Anyways. Let’s talk about the effects we see in society due to Kenergy.
Now more than ever, we are seeing guys being guys. These guys are realizing that life isn’t about the Mojo Dojo Casa House they build, but is instead about the Mojo Dojo Casa House within.
Looking in the mirror and saying, “Ken…is…me!” is becoming a new sort of daily affirmation for these guys (I can confirm I do this every day before I leave the house).
Some of us (AKA me) have made entire playlists dedicated to the concept of Kenergy and listen to said playlists at least once a day (on a semi-unrelated note, this is one of the best playlists I’ve ever made).
The message of “I’m just Ken, and so am I” brings these guys closer than ever and makes it easier for them to make friends.
Now, you may ask yourself how we find true Kenergy in the wild.
And to that I say, thank you for the excellent question.
If you see a man? Not Kenergy.
But if you look below the surface and know he’s just a guy?
There’s some potential Kenergy.
If he really likes the song Push by Matchbox Twenty but doesn’t know it’s by Matchbox Twenty, that’s a good sign.
If he calls his dorm or apartment his Mojo Dojo Casa House, that’s Kenergy.
But goofy references to “Barbie” aren’t the only way to weed out Kenergy.
If he cries at Pixar movies, definitely Kenergy.
Most guys in acapella groups have Kenergy (not band or choir guys, specifically a capella guys), and so does every guy who plays the guitar.
If he dresses well? There’s at least a little Kenergy there.
If his karaoke song of choice is anything music theatre-adjacent (think: Man or Muppet and similar vibes), if he is convinced he could befriend a bear if the opportunity presented itself, if he can stay awake for an entire ASMR video, you have definitely found a guy with severe Kenergy.
I would like to reiterate that Kenergy doesn’t only apply to men.
“Guys” is a broader term that includes women and gender-expansive people.
Anyone fitting the criteria above absolutely qualifies to have Kenergy!
This is not an exhaustive list, but I can assure you that identifying Kenergy is a unique and beneficial skill.
If you see these guys out in the wild, please befriend them. They need it.
Guys with Kenergy feel safest with Barbie-coded people and are more likely to form herds with other guys with Kenergy.
Now that you have all of my tips and tricks on identifying Kenergy, I leave you with these parting words: I’LL SEE YOU ON THE MALIBU BEACH!!!