The Leader
Scallion

[SATIRE] The Wizard: Fredonia’s most magical student

MEGAN KIDBY

Scallion Editor

THE WIZARD | Special to The Leader

If you’re like me, you’re on the Fredonia Snapchat stories way too often. You scroll through and see the freshmen asking where certain things are, the other people dogging on the freshmen for not knowing where those things are and someone’s mom just living her life. 

What you will also see is the mystical being known as “The Wizard.” 

Who is The Wizard? 

She’ll tell you in her own words.

When I met The Wizard, she was not in her magical garb, instead she was in normal clothes, blending in with the rest of us common folk. As we talked, she delved into her backstory.

“I was born 1,000 years ago and sent to Earth to guard it from celestial forces and stuff like that,” The Wizard says. “I was once a member of the High Council, but I had differing ideas. Let’s put it that way … I’m kind of just coasting along until I can perhaps one day rejoin them.” 

She also talked about what magic she likes to perform. The Wizard said, “I like causing rain whenever I can … I’m a big fan of teleportation. Yeah, I can kind of go everywhere.” 

Right now you’re probably thinking, “Megan! Sure the wizard has powers and all that cool stuff, but what is she doing as she’s coasting along?” 

Well, concerned reader, she’s making music. “I have an EP that came out in April and I was supposed to have an album come out at the start of the summer but I didn’t finish it.” She said, “I’m planning to release an album a year. I already have ideas for the second album even though I haven’t finished the first one.” 

In my humble opinion, I personally like the EP. It’s got a really good concept, and if it were on Spotify, I would definitely add it to the October playlist. 

While we were talking, I asked about why she thought she was so popular around campus and she said, “It has to do with the enigmatic factor…like oh my god there’s a fucking wizard walking next to me right now.” 

When asked about how people react she said, “It’s like they worship me. People praise me.” 

That is absolutely true. 

Just looking at the Snapchat stories from the past month, you could see various people taking pictures with the wizard, talking about spotting her, and saying some pretty vulgar things that I here at The Leader would never repeat or condone. 

Speaking of vulgarity, with popularity, there will also come challenges. The Wizard talks about people trying to copy her by saying, “People try to like get in on it thinking like they’re a part of it…that kind of bothers me because like, it’s not your bit. Be your own person. Don’t take my thing and try to, you know, leech off of it.” 

For those looking to study with The Wizard, you may be in luck. When asked about possibly taking apprentices, she said, “I have taken apprentices in the past. I am currently not looking for one, although that’s just because I’m trying to settle myself. I feel like in due time I’ll be able to send people on quests and stuff like that.” 

What’s next for The Wizard? Well, she has agreed to partner with The Leader to do her own column in the Scallion section. Have questions for The Wizard? Scan the QR Code to ask away!

You can find The Wizard’s EP “BEHOLD THE WIZARD” on YouTube or by scanning the QR code below!

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