MEGAN KIDBY
Scallion Editor and Theater Nerd
Hey Girly Pop!
I’m so happy you decided to either randomly pick up this student-run newspaper from a state you’re not even in or search “Lauren Boebert Leader” on Google only to find this!
I wanted to reach out and ask about your recent experience at the Beetlejuice performance in Denver, C.O.
I heard that there might have been a moment during the show that might have made you feel embarrassed, and I wanted to understand your perspective better.
First and foremost, I want to assure you that my intention here is not to judge or criticize you in any way. We all have different reactions to live performances, and sometimes unexpected things can happen that catch us off guard. I believe it’s essential to have open and honest conversations to better understand one another.
With that being said, girl…WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? Like listen I understand a girl does have needs but at what part of Beetlejuice did you decide, “yeah I’ll let this dude fully wrap his hand around my décolletage?”
Was it the Maitlands talking about having children?
Was it the cheerleading dead people?
Was it the banana boat song?
I NEED ANSWERS.
Honestly letting the dude you were on a date with cop a feel was not even the thing I was the most confused about. As an avid musical fan (yes I know please boo me and call me a nerd) I was just wondering if you missed the signs that were most likely in the venue that said “no smoking” and “no flash photography.”
We musical goers have a theater etiquette and you fully missed the mark. I don’t care how good the cola ice hyde tastes, girl PUT IT AWAY!! You blamed the smoke people saw by you on the “heavy fog machines” but look at the video hon, it is one puff of smoke and it’s coming directly from your mouth. At least lie better and maybe try not to call the pregnant woman you blew your smoke at a “sad and miserable person.”
Also, girl, did you not know that the guy you were on a date with hosted drag nights at his gay-friendly bar?
Like listen, I don’t think politics should get in the way of a relationship if you like each other but when you are so against the LGBTQ+ community and are actively taking away their right to be who they are you might want to stay in your lane. I know the old white republican men you surround yourself with are icky but it’s the safest bet for you.
Actually, maybe not.
They probably would have seen you shouting “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?” at security guards and saw it as a turn off because you were a woman speaking your mind and out of the kitchen. Maybe keep going for the democrats babes.
Please know that I am trying to approach this conversation with empathy and a genuine desire to understand your feelings. I’m here to listen, and I hope you’ll be open to sharing your thoughts and feelings with me.
If you want, I could even take you to a musical in New York City and we can work on your etiquette! You’ll have to pay though. Consider it an “I’m sorry” gift to all the musical nerds out there. I’ll suggest Sweeney Todd because of Josh Groban but also because those smoke machines probably produce a lot more smoke than the Beetlejuice ones do. Maybe you could get one puff of the strawberry pina colada elf bar in before I notice.
Disappointedly,
Megan Kidby