JACE JACOBS
Assistant Editor of The Scallion, Chloe Kowalyk’s Least Favorite Staff Member (Apparently)
Hi guys, welcome back to another edition of Jace’s super great and awesome horoscopes. At our last e-board meeting for The Leader, our editor-in-chief told me I needed to “make the horoscopes shorter” and “edit myself.” I think this means I’m about to lose my job, so if this is the last time you hear from me, don’t be surprised. In the spirit of keeping things brief, I don’t have a specific theme this week, so I’m giving the signs some insight into how the month of March will shake out for them. Good luck y’all.
Aries
It’s your season, congrats.
Taurus
Change is upon us /pos.
Gemini
Find a new job, rebrand yourself, fall in love, etc.
Cancer
Time to make a five-year plan!
Leo
Use your communication skills for good, not evil.
Virgo
It’s all about the Benjamins, baby!
Libra
Learn from your past mistakes and ditch the dead weight.
Scorpio
Your life is about to be like a movie.
Sagittarius
Please stop trying to multitask.
Capricorn
Pick up a new hobby and ditch the old drama.
Aquarius
Get ready to step out of your comfort zone, the time is now.
Pisces
Ask them out around the 11th.