The Leader
Scallion

[SATIRE] America…I am NOT Dating Jace Jacobs

Graphic by ISABELLA RIZZO | ASST. Art Director

MEGAN KIDBY

Scallion Editor

Dear devoted readers,

As a humble reporter, I never thought I’d be thrust into the limelight of love, scandal and the unpredictable world of reality television. 

Alas, here I am, penning a response to the utterly absurd rumors circulating about my alleged romance with a certain bachelor. 

Brace yourselves for a tale that transcends the boundaries of logic and dives headfirst into the sea of baseless speculation.

Firstly, let me assure you that I am not, in fact, secretly rendezvousing with Jace in the shadows of the Leader office. The only romantic involvement I have with Jace is through the notepad in my hand. 

As much as I appreciate the creativity of the rumor mill, I must confess that my heart belongs to the art of satirical journalism, not to the very attractive man hoping to find his true love.

In the twisted game of telephone that is social media, whispers have become roars, and before I knew it, I found myself at the epicenter of a fabricated love affair. 

It seems that in the eyes of some, every smile exchanged between Jace and I is evidence of a torrid romance, rather than the result of a charming interview and a shared sense of humor.

I must say, the lengths to which people will go to craft a narrative are truly impressive. Forget investigative journalism; we’ve entered the era of speculative storytelling. 

Perhaps next, they’ll claim I am the secret puppet master behind the rose ceremonies, pulling strings from behind the camera to orchestrate the perfect love story.

It’s disheartening to see the imagination of the public running wild, fueled by the desire for scandal and intrigue. Can’t a journalist simply do their job without becoming the star of a romance novel? 

Must every exchange with a contestant be dissected like a Shakespearean sonnet, searching for hidden meanings and secret rendezvous?

In conclusion, dear readers, let us all take a step back from the absurdity and embrace a reality where journalists are just that — journalists. 

As for Jace, who unknowingly became entangled in this web of fiction, fear not, for my love life remains firmly rooted in the realm of headlines and deadlines.

Yours in disbelief,

Megan Kidby

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