JACE JACOBS
Assistant Editor of The Scallion
ABIGAIL MILLER
Managing Editor
Hello Fredonians and a very happy Woman Issue to all who celebrate (guys please don’t hate me for calling it that, it’s literally what our Editor in Chief called it)!
For some context, I am a transgender man, so although I was born female, I had very fleeting moments of true connection with womanhood.
So, for these horoscopes I had an extraordinary guest come up with some of her favorite moments of womanhood, so everyone please give an extra special thank you to Abbie for her help!
Thank you pookie, and I hope all of the signs out there enjoy this break from comedy to enjoy something a little sentimental from the Scallion. <3
Aries: Chips, queso and margaritas after a long week
As a sign that values little treats and finds comfort in good food, Aries know the value of using food as a way to destress. With all the pressure often placed on women, unwinding at the end of a long week is always a great idea! Aries women typically hold themselves to such high standards that the feeling of a reward at the end of a long week is always something to look forward to.
Taurus: Having a sweet treat before bed
My fellow bulls, I know I said I would try not to do us dirty by making our horoscopes about food, but come on. No one is better at getting a sweet treat and passing out in bed than Tauruses. Ending the day with a sweet treat after a full day of just existing is the perfect overlap between bulls and the best moments of womanhood.
Gemini: Debrief sessions with the girlies
Debriefing after a long day is a crucial part of womanhood, and as one of the signs most connected to listening and sharing gossip, Geminis understand the importance of a good debrief. This is not to say that debriefs are just gossip (because they’re not, they’re so much more), or that Geminis are chronic gossips (they’re not, they can be trusted to lock secrets away), but to paint a picture of how much of an impact understanding and communication have on the lives of women.
Cancer: The way your sheets feel after you shave your legs
Cancers value comfort, and there is nothing comfier than getting all bundled up in bed with freshly shaved legs. Various sensory experiences are also typically valuable to Cancers, and this is no exception. This is also a moment of womanhood cherished by all of the women in my life, so I am sure many Cancer women will understand exactly why this is on our list!
Leo: Your hair looking good on a non-shower day
Like a lion taking pride in his mane, Leos tend to take pride in their appearance. A good hair day is a great thing, especially for those with unruly hair, and is one of Abbie’s listed favorite moments of womanhood. I imagine many Leo women feel the same way.
Virgo: The feeling of being refreshed after an everything shower
As another sign that values comfort highly, Virgos are no strangers to the relief and feeling of being refreshed that follows an everything shower. Multi-step skincare and haircare routines are often the norms for Virgos, especially Virgo women, so this moment of womanhood is felt frequently by them.
Libra: Finding an outfit that fits just right
Libras are one of the most fashion-forward signs, valuing how they present themselves to the world and the impression they leave on others. Finding an outfit that fits just the way they want it to is a perfect overlap of womanhood for Libras.
Scorpio: Being told you smell good
Scorpios tend to have a very good sense of self and an understanding of what styles of clothing and cosmetics work for them. This includes perfumes, which can guarantee that others see Scorpios the way they see themselves. Receiving compliments overall is a very important part of womanhood, but I’ve heard from the women in my life that being told you smell good is the best kind of compliment that can be given, of which I’m sure Scorpio women would agree.
Sagittarius: Having another woman tell you “I’m listening” after everyone else has tuned you out
Sagittarius is a sign that values communication, and feeling left behind or ignored is one of their least favorite feelings. As a woman, the understanding and acknowledgment of another woman in the room can go a long way, and Sagittarius women feel this on an even deeper level.
Capricorn: Using girl math to shop
Capricorns are one of the more disciplined and self-preserving zodiac signs, but this doesn’t mean they can’t get by on girl math every once in a while. Setting a budget and deciding what money, if any, is real and how to spend it is a great representation of the enterprise of modern womanhood.
Aquarius: Getting your eyeliner right on the first try
Every Aquarius woman I’ve ever met wears flawless makeup frequently, and I am sure that they have all put many hours into perfecting their personal techniques and styles. Flawless eyeliner is hard to come by, especially on the first try, but many women and Aquarians alike feel the same joy when executing this marvel of technique!
Pisces: Locking yourself in a study room in the library and not leaving until all your work is done
As one of the most scholarly signs, Pisces understands the importance of having a dedicated space to get work done, and the immense relief that comes with getting everything done. Pisces women especially tend to feel an immense amount of pressure on themselves to get everything done that they need to on time, so this is a moment I’m sure many of you will find relatable.