MEGAN KIDBY
Scallion Editor
Y’all, I am not a sports person.
Even though the Scallion section and the Sports section of our wonderful newspaper are in an alliance to take down the other sections and ultimately reign as supreme rulers of The Leader, I find myself wondering how sports work.
That changed this week when I talked to The Leader’s Sports section Editor Matt Volz. Through his wise insights, I learned a lot about various sports I didn’t even know existed! He didn’t even know some of these existed either.
(American) Football
Matt knows a lot about football. I mean, when I was interviewing him, he had the Bills hat and shirt on in an Orlando airport. He knows style AND football. He did get a “GO BILLS!” at the airport during this interview and two in New Orleans. I’m also writing this in his townhouse while he’s pacing behind me watching the Bills vs Dolphins game. Here’s what I gained from the conversation:
Ummmm okay so the team gets the ball and like that’s 1st in 10? I think??? And then the quarterback throws the ball and someone catches it, which makes them 2nd in three?
Then there’s someone named Pat who’s worth a couple points depending on what the players do.
They also eat turnovers I think. I haven’t seen that part at any of the games I’ve gone to though.
There are 11 players on the field at a time for both teams: five linemen, an offensive tackle and guard, quarterback, running back, tight end (hehe), and fullback. They don’t really use the fullback anymore though.
The defense consists of linebackers, safeties and cornerbacks (not quarterbacks). They go nose-to-nose but they don’t kiss??? I feel like football should have more kissing.
The offense tries to move to their side of the stadium and like the defense says they can’t. It’s like when my sister tried to get me to hug her and I didn’t want to so she would block me from getting to my room until I gave her a hug (#justsiblingthings).
Equestrian Dressage
I had to show Matt a video of this before he explained it to me.
After the video, he described it as “an artistic form of horseback riding where you are responsible for equestrian but you are also responsible for dances.”
Honestly, he sounded like he had a lot of respect for the jockeys and I agree.
I also told him about “Rave Horse” Mopsi, who did an EDM routine during the 2020 Olympics. He thought it was a bold choice, but understood why it made it to the Olympics.
Hockey
This is another sport that Matt knew a lot about. I don’t know much though, so here’s what I gained.
Hockey originated in Canada and it is played on a sheet of ice.
There are 5 players and a goalie, so smaller than football.
There are also specific penalties that go for either two minutes or five minutes. You can tell I cared more about this sport because I actually gathered more information about it.
Two-minute penalties can be tripping, interference, hooking (ayo) and high sticking. High sticking has a rule though where if you can see blood, it can be a more severe penalty. In my opinion, that’s kind of crazy but like idk maybe I’ve been watching too much WWE wrestling so I feel like they could be faking it.
The true magic, though, lies in the lingo: “power plays” (where one team exploits their temporary superpowers), “hat tricks” (Matt didn’t tell me about this one, I just know it because I’m so sporty), and “icing” (a rule so simple and intuitive that even veteran fans pretend to understand it without question).
Beer Pong
I did forget that our dear Matt is under 21, so he knows nothing about how this game is played… or so he says …