ABBIE MILLER
Editor-in-Chief, Thanksgiving Food Connoisseur
S-Tier Items
Mac and cheese: Look at that picture and tell me your mouth didn’t just start watering. That’s right — you can’t. This may be a hot take, but I firmly believe that mac and cheese belongs on everyone’s Thanksgiving Day platter. It pairs well with every traditional Thanksgiving meal item, it can add some sauce to an otherwise dry turkey or stuffing, and you can even customize it for your audience. Enjoy breadcrumbs? Add some on top. Lactose intolerant? Use a non-dairy sauce. The variations are endless, and every one of them is delicious.
Stuffing: They don’t call it “stuffing” for nothing. I’m stuffing my face with this. Once again, the options of what you choose to add and leave out make this dish versatile. For vegetarian diners, you can leave out the sausage and replace it with celery. For eaters with the time and money, you can add those fancy rosemary leaves to the top. For the rest of us, you can serve it however you want, because it is guaranteed to come out fantastic either way.
Rolls: Whether Hawaiian rolls or Pillsbury crescents, there is simply no way to go wrong here. Not even the crumbs that have accumulated at the bottom of the roll basket from years prior can dissuade me from including one of these on my plate. They can be used as an appetizer to prepare your guests for the meal ahead, a mid-meal appetite cleanser before moving on to the next item or a plate filler if you discover that all of your other choices are subpar.
A-Tier Items
Mashed potatoes: For me, mashed potatoes were a toss-up between S-tier and A-tier. However, their rightful place is in A-tier. They are a classic Thanksgiving meal item. They are also usually depended upon to be good no matter how inexperienced the chefs preparing them are. It is really hard to make mashed potatoes taste bad, so these are always a safe plate-filler. That being said, they are definitely not the star of the show in terms of tastiness and value.
Turkey: Turkey belongs in A-tier because while it is also a classic Thanksgiving dinner centerpiece, there is always the threat of a dry turkey. Even if the turkey is dry though, this is far from my biggest concern when it comes to this dish. The possibility of an inexperienced carver raises the stakes substantially, as nobody wants to take a big bite into what they hope will be delicious meat and instead be met with bits of gristle. Many times, a turkey is only as good as its carver.
Apple pie: I know that this may be a hot take, but I like apple pie better than pumpkin or pecan pie. With ice cream and whipped cream, apple pie belongs in S-tier, but in its minimalist form, apple pie is an A-tier item. There is something special about that certain blend of cinnamon and the thickened juices from the apples that sets this dessert apart from its pumpkin and pecan counterparts. If I enter Thanksgiving dinner knowing that apple pie will be served at the end of it, I am always saving stomach space.
B-Tier Items
Sweet potato casserole: Sweet potato casserole is B-tier for me because when it’s good, it’s REALLY good, but when it’s bad, it’s REALLY bad. In my experience, there is a very fine line between a good sweet potato casserole and one that’ll end up in the trash when nobody’s looking. Sweet potato casseroles are also quite hard to come by, which means that when you are able to get it, you need to load up your plate while you can. It may be a gamble, but 100% of gamblers quit before they win big.
Pumpkin pie: The B-tier was made for pumpkin pie. To me, I only really enjoy pumpkin pie if I’m in a certain kind of mood. If it’s the only available dessert, I’ll eat it, but if my options are between this and an apple pie, I will always choose the apple pie. However, the warmness of the pumpkin, especially if juxtaposed with some cold vanilla ice cream on top, allows you to get one last experience of the fall season before winter rears its head, and I appreciate that.
Deviled eggs: Abby, the News Editor, told me to add this to my list. Abby, I hear you, but I have to admit that I have never in my life been to a Thanksgiving dinner where deviled eggs were served. I really like deviled eggs, so I would be more than happy to welcome them into our Thanksgiving spread this year, though. Lightweight if done correctly, this item may even serve as a nice appetizer to get your diners’ pallets ready for the full meal.
C-Tier Items
Green bean casserole: With the crispy fried onions on top, this is B-tier. Without the crispy fried onions, green bean casserole belongs in C-tier. It takes a decent amount of skill and expertise to be able to pull off a good green bean casserole. This is also something that is not necessarily present in every Thanksgiving Day meal. Green bean casserole is one of those things that you may not notice when it’s gone, but you’ll definitely notice when it’s there.
Pecan pie: Full transparency, I have never actually had a pecan pie. Not that I can remember anyway, which is sort of a testament to the limited power that this dessert item holds. Pecan pie belongs in C-tier because it is not really notable in any substantial way. I won’t save stomach room for it, but I may try a bite off of my mother’s plate. Pecan pie does deserve some kudos though because on the whole, I usually am not a fan of nuts in my desserts, but I can see it working out for this item.
Gravy: Gravy belongs in C-tier. Similarly to sweet potato casserole, when gravy is bad, it is VERY bad. Where gravy differs from sweet potato casserole is the fact that when gravy is good, it’s just decent. Gravy is a tool that is very valuable to have in your arsenal as a Thanksgiving dinner connoisseur like me. It can improve dry stuffing or turkey by significant measures, but it is also not necessary with every Thanksgiving meal, in my opinion.
D-Tier Items
Cranberry sauce: Now hear me out, y’all. I know that my sister is already shaking her head at me, but what can I say? I don’t like cranberries. I never have, and I probably never will. As a 21-year-old who has recently discovered the joys of the vodka cran, I fear I can only find excitement from cranberries in that form. For now, the cranberry sauce can stay in the can that it’s molded in the shape of.
Corn: Almost everyone I know would be disappointed at whoever makes the decision to include this on their Thanksgiving Day menu. Unless you’re my grandpa who loves corn so much that he has eaten 12 ears in one sitting, you can expect leftovers of this item for weeks to come. A stomach space filler that probably won’t taste as good as half of the other dishes available, I would only put this on my plate in desperate situations.
F-Tier Items
Ham: Guys. What’re we doing? Turkey is almost as known for Thanksgiving as Thanksgiving is known for turkey. Why are you adding ham to the equation? There’s a huge bone right in the middle of it, the flavor does not incorporate as well with the tastes of all of the other dishes and to top it all off, you are bound to disappoint someone. Maybe that someone will be me, or maybe it will be an innocent bystander who attended your Thanksgiving dinner because they assumed that you’d serve turkey like every normal person does. Either way, your audience will not be pleased with this meal choice.
Salad: If you EVER catch someone who looks like me putting salad on their plate at Thanksgiving dinner, it is not me. You have the wrong person. You mean to tell me that people actually decide to eat something that’s healthy on the one day of the year when you’re supposed to fill your gut with as much butter, fat, meat and bread as possible? Absolutely not. The only vegetable I will consume with my Thanksgiving meal is the green beans in the green bean casserole.