[SATIRE] Fear and Loathing in Talladega: A Journey to Beer-Soaked Destruction
Reading Time: 5 minutesTalladega is America at its most distilled, its most unhinged, its most beautiful. No one leaves this place unchanged....
April Fools
[SATIRE] Abigail Jacobson, news editor, cancels news
Reading Time: 3 minutesIt’s done, guys. News is cancelled. I can’t keep writing anymore. Why is news cancelled? WELL, BECAUSE I SAID SO....
Horoscopes, special edition: Scallywag Brian Cecala’s old Facebook photos
Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Aries Taurus Gemini Cancer Leo Virgo Libra Scorpio Sagittarius Capricorn Aquarius Pisces...
BRIAN CECALA IS THE NEW CHIEF OF FREDONIA U.P. AND HE HAS NEW RULES
Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA KING OF FREDONIA WHAT’S UP ASSH*LES. FOR APRIL FOOLS POLICE NOTTERS, THE CHIEF OF POLICE SAID I COULD BE THE POLICE CHIEF AND HE WOULD WRITE A FUNNY ARTICLE. HOWEVER, I PULLED AN APRIL PRANK. I HAVE STATED SOME NEW RULES FOR ALL FREDONIA STUDENTS. NEW RULE 1......
[SATIRE] Admin debates how to tell President Kolison about FredFest
Reading Time: 2 minutesJAMES MEAD Editor, Barely Managing to Write This Semester Well, it’s almost that time of the semester, and FredFest is on everyone’s minds — everyone but SUNY Fredonia’s new president, that is. FredFest, an annual Fredonia tradition where college students raise money in support of their unhealthy alcohol habits, was......
[SATIRE] Look out Fredonia Twitter, The Leader’s making some changes
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Editor of the Scallion and MtS fanboy To say that the internet is a mixed bag would be an understatement. There are trolls and memers, there are political extremists getting into scraps with everyday citizens and most importantly, there are spheres of fandom that revolve entirely around the......
Wow, Hannah’s writing a real article for once? I didn’t even know that was possible.
Reading Time: < 1 minuteHANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag Yes, you read that title correctly. No horoscopes for me this week. They were hijacked from me by other members of the Scallywag crew. I’m so upset that I just started writing this article so that maybe they’ll give them back to me. Please guys, I......
[SATIRE] Government sneaks vaccine into American cheese
Reading Time: 2 minutesJULES HOEPTING Design Editor They weren’t going to be happy. My fingers curled around the edge of the podium, I looked at people in blazers with tape recorders aimed at me. They were all six feet apart from each other, but it felt like they were six inches from my......
[SATIRE] The true source of the dog food smell on campus
Reading Time: 2 minutesCHLOE KOWALYK Staff Writer Ah yes, the weather is warming up and we can finally go outside. Fredonia students fill the campus, laying out picnic blankets and going on walks with their friends. The semester is more than halfway through, and everything is looking up. That is until… **Sniff Sniff**......