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November 22, 2024
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The Leader

Campus Humor

Scallion

Thank God our university is spending time on the real issues, like charging Campus Cryptic

Contributor to The Leader
JOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor After a recent announcement from Campus Cryptic on their Instagram page, students are now aware that the school is pressing charges against Campus Cryptic for graffiti on a wall in the Rockefeller Arts Center. Let us here at the Scallion be the first to say, thank......
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Scallion

University Police accepting fines in the form of points

Contributor to The Leader
DOM MAGISTRO Asst. Scallion Editor Recent studies show that approximately 42.069 (nice) percent of students at Fredonia have committed some form of parking violation on campus while working on their “four” year degree. This is a 200 percent increase from 1985 when college students did not have to pay to......
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Scallion

Invisible student questions attendance policy

Contributor to The Leader
HANNAH BLIDY Guest Scallywag If you’re a student at Fredonia, you know that every teacher has its own attendance policy. Every semester, professors outline requirements of the course and of those requirements. Attendance is one of the most crucial. The usual policy that professors have is that a student can......
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Scallion

Student with too much on his plate continues to add more to his plate

Contributor to The Leader
MATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag Everyone loves Joseph Marciniak. He’s talented, he’s muscle-bound, he has a great head of hair, but he has a problem: he’s got too much going on. For those who don’t know, Marciniak is the editor of the Scallion, the assistant director of an upcoming production of......
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Scallion

Fredonia disqualified from ‘Small Business Revolution’

Contributor to The Leader
DOM MAGISTRO Staff Scallywag [That’s Staff Scallywag as in staff satirist. We made this story up, OK. That’s what satirists do. This is a humor section. So stop calling us, already!] [UPDATE: A letter from Joseph Marciniak, Scallion Editor] That’s right, you heard it here first, folks. The Village of......
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Scallion

$1.6 billion corporation is coming to Fredonia to inject their pocket change and show our puny businesses how its done

Contributor to The Leader
JOSEPH MARCINIAK Editor of the Scallion Fredonia’s small businesses are beaming after the news that this small town has won the “Small Business Revolution.” The $1.6 billion corporation “Deluxe” specializes in revitalizing small businesses and ensuring they succeed throughout the future. And let me be the first to say, thank......
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Scallion

Fredonia invests in top tier gaming lounge for Fredonia eSports; teams still suck

Contributor to The Leader
COREY DALE-MILLER Guest Scallywag For those of you who haven’t heard, SUNY Fredonia has been the recipient of a generous donation for a top tier eSports gaming lounge. The lounge will be located in Schulz Hall and sports the Fredonia Blue Devil’s color, blue. The lounge has already received a......
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Scallion

“Wait you’re wearing a MAGA hat as a social experiment? That’s so profound, please have sex with me right now.”

Contributor to The Leader
DOM MAGISTRO Staff Scallywag Fredonia, NY – Charles Watts was seen wearing a red hat with the famous slogan “Make America Great Again” printed in large block letters on it around campus. Watts walked confidently across campus Thursday morning, alone. Known to be a very social person and rarely, if......
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Scallion

A warm welcome to Geraldine, our first-ever gecko enrolled at SUNY Fredonia

Contributor to The Leader
MATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag The beginning of the spring semester has brought with it a variety of new faces to campus. Transfer students have wormed their way into the loving embrace of SUNY Fredonia, and the returning students are back to producing ungodly smells in the hallways of their residence......
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