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January 21, 2025
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[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What to get each sign

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The Leader

Horoscopes

Scallion

Abbie’s Thanksgiving food tier list

Abbie Miller
ABBIE MILLER  Editor-in-Chief, Thanksgiving Food Connoisseur S-Tier Items Mac and cheese: Look at that picture and tell me your mouth didn’t just start watering. That’s right — you can’t. This may be a hot take, but I firmly believe that mac and cheese belongs on everyone’s Thanksgiving Day platter. It......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes and it’s the same but I’m an alum so it’s different 

Contributor to The Leader
JACE JACOBS Former Assistant Editor of The Scallion, “Adult” with a “Job” who “Has To Go To Work”  What’s up Fredonians? I bet you thought you had seen the last of me, with my incredibly well-crafted, tear-stained Letter from the Desk Of and my gorgeous final horoscopes.  WELL GUESS WHAT! ......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What should your sign dress up as for Halloween?

Abbie Miller
ABIGAIL MILLER Editor-in-Chief As the leaves change and my body begins to resist doing anything that resembles schoolwork, I know one thing: it is time. Dust off those black glittery stilettos that you only wear once a year. Dig out the costume you’ve been reusing since freshman year from the......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which Starbucks fall menu item are you?

Drew Paluch
ABIGAIL MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Two-Star Comedian Yes, I added another star because The Leader staff told me I was being too hard on myself. Also, I made Scallion Editor Megan Kidby laugh so I’m still riding that wave.  In other exciting news, Starbucks has officially released their fall menu. And who......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Life lessons from the signs

Contributor to The Leader
JACE JACOBS Assistant Editor of The Scallion, Senior! Graduating! Woohoo!  My dearest Fredheads,  I regret to inform you all that this will be the last time you’ll read my wonderful, beautiful, incredibly accurate, always hilarious horoscopes. Although I am overjoyed to be leaving America’s favorite dog food town, I am......
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