MATTHEW BAUM
Editor to the Scallion
For many of us here at SUNY Fredonia, this summer was a trial. Our collective patience, strength and mental fortuity was tested day in or day out. I understand this exhausting feat firsthand, as I served as a camp counselor in the middle of the Massachusetts woods for close to three months straight.
Here’s the thing, though — I didn’t know I was going to be working there until a week before I had to ship out, with my confirmation email coming in on Wednesday night of last semester’s Finals Week. I was a nervous wreck following that, in a mad dash to grab everything I would need to help me corral young camp-goers as efficiently as I could. The work was gruelling, and I was not in a headspace to properly combat the incessant whining of the noise-making younglings. But, after a time I began to fall asleep to the sublime tunes of off-pitch “Despacito” from the mouths of high-strung nine-year-olds.
Then, I was called up by representatives of this very school, offering me a position as a Residence Assistant no more than 10 days before I was scheduled to come to school as a plain old resident! I was fuming!
Of course, I accepted the job because I have a passion for helping people. But for God’s sake — what aspects of me keep attracting jobs that do not give me a fair warning!?
Following my initial reaction, I calmed down enough to realise I’ve always had a yes-man mentality. Ever since I was half my age, I would be the one helping my teachers clean up the messes made by other kids right before I would leave for recess. Following that, my reputation for last-minute help preceded me, and my high school teachers always expected me to be ready to present on the topics they were planning to teach, just in case they found better things to do.
Finally, when I graduated, I was approached by a traveling blues band, who were in dire need of a harmonica soloist. I couldn’t help but join them on a national tour, ho-hummin’ the days away until I remembered I agreed to come to college.
I have now realized the pattern. Because I started young and desperate for the attention from my higher-ups, I always jumped in and gave it my all. As a matter of fact, it’s gotten so bad that businesses I’ve only ever read about are calling my house number and offering me same-day positions. Obviously, I go and help out, because, duh, they’re short-staffed!
But now, as soon as I finish writing this article, I will no longer be the dependable last-minute man everyone expects me to be! I will become a pain in the ass to book, because I deserve it! I will intentionally do the bare minimum, as a show of solidarity for those of us who just give too much.
Therefore, starting now, I will only be accessible for hire via messenger pigeon. On Thursdays. From the hours of 1:35 p.m. to 1:55 p.m., Central Standard Time. Hoorah.