KELLY CANER
Lampoonist
• People who cut on the sandwich line at Willies: We all hate it when someone starts to slither their way into the line. What is even worse is allowing it to happen! Listen people, you have been waiting in this god-forsaken line for a lukewarm, limp sub for a good ten minutes, you need to fight for your spot.
• Going into Maytum: I don’t think I’ve ever left Maytum hall thinking “wow, I’ve accomplished a lot!” Maytum Hall is where dreams go to die, where your refund check just happens to not be in for another three weeks and where young souls have their first meeting with judicial affairs.
• Going over 50 points in one day: Which isn’t very hard. To spend 50 points in one day, all you have to do is go to the C-Store and get maybe two warm delights and a soda.
• Professors that don’t put grades on ANGEL: You have a false confidence all semester about your grades. You’re thinking “Hey sailor! You deserve to take yourself down to ye ol’ Sunny’s saloon for doing so well!” But once your professor finally gives grades it dawns on you that you realize you don’t even deserve a drink, even one that is worth a quarter.
• When someone decides to steal your seat mid-semester: This is just evil.
• People who go to Cranston and only get a salad: Wasteful human being.
• Tim Hortons problems: When you say to your friend, “Ooh good, there is still one Angel Creme donut left” and then the person in front of you, who obviously heard you, takes it.
• Bikers and longboarders: People who ride bikes/longboards to class and will probably leave me like James Franco in “127 Hours,” armless. The sidewalk is not big enough for us all.
• People who walk too slow: Enough said.