JOSEPH MARCINIAK
Scallion Editor
According to recent reports from janitors working within Fenton Hall, they are unable to open the door to the previous president’s office. The door is not locked, but appears to boarded or blocked shut. Firefighters are planned to break in later today.
Mr. John Clean, local janitor, was interviewed at the scene.
“My God, I’ve never heard screeches so loud before. It was terrifying.” Mr. Clean said, his bald head shimmering in the sunlight, “Whatever that thing was, I’m determined to send it back to the deepest depths of Hell where it belongs.”
The other janitor on duty at the time, Mr. Craig Clorox, is currently in a ball in the corner covering his ears, so we’re just going to assume he’s not in the mood for an interview.
The perimeter has been cleared and campus police are readying the area for an all-out takeover of the room, in preparation for what hellish monster lay waiting inside.
UPDATE: Firefighters have smashed through the door and found Virginia Horvath on the ceiling with red eyes, who screeched “GET OUT! GET OOOUT!” and swallowed one of the firefighters whole. Reporting will continue as we hear more information.