The Leader
Scallion

[Satire] An open letter to SUNY Fredonia

MEGAN KIDBY

Special to The Leader 

Photo by Pixabay

Dear SUNY Fredonia,

My name is Megan Kidby and for those who do not know me I am the person who owns the laundry you put on top of the dryer because I took too long to grab it. I’m sorry; I’m just really really busy.

Today I am writing this letter to ask the great people of SUNY Fredonia to do me a solid. Please … PLEASE just do something stupid. The Scallion is running out of things to make fun of. 

You all have to step up your game because we need content. The only thing we could possibly make fun of is the dog poop lying around in Alumni Hall and that’s not really that funny it’s just gross. 

I know you Fredonia, and I know you’ve got some stupid running through your veins. You all cannot deny it. I see the Yik Yaks you post. What happened to the people setting fires? Where’s the energy that the people who took the letters off of Mason Hall had? I haven’t heard any fireworks being set off on campus either. COME ON EVERYONE!! We need the FREDFest spirit every week.

I really don’t want to have to resort to clickbait article titles but I will. So unless you want to see “LOCAL COLLEGE STUDENTS BREATHE ON FOOD RESULTS ARE SHOCKING” across the Scallion pages, you have to bring your A-Game. It doesn’t even need to be a crime, it can just be something totally stupid. Just please do not harass anybody. 

Love,

Megan Kidby <3

(p.s. The Leader and The Scallion do not condone crimes being done on campus. Being in an article published by The Leader is not worth the possible jail time or fines.)

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