FACE FACOBS
New Assistant Editor of The Scallion, Jace’s Replacement
Hello everyone! My name is Face Facobs and I am Jace Jacobs’ official replacement! In light of his horoscopes being too long, he has been fired, and I have replaced him. Although we’ve never met, I’ve decided to throw my predecessor a bone and tell the signs why they’re compatible with him (in all honesty, I’m just doing this because it would be really embarrassing if The Leader’s first event of the semester is a failure). Happy reading, and maybe next time I won’t be forced into writing something no one cares about!
Aries
Jace’s ex is an Aries, so maybe you should sit this one out…
Taurus
Jace is also a Taurus, which he never shuts up about. He’s a male Taurus and he has a J name. Girl, run.
Gemini
Jace will try to talk you out of every impulsive decision you make, but at the end of the day, he’ll join in. If you’re going down, he’s going down with you.
Cancer
Every man Jace has been too afraid to talk to has ended up being a Cancer, no joke. Taurus and Cancer are two really well-matched signs, so maybe you should make a move so he doesn’t have to — just a suggestion.
Leo
If you love a passionate post-argument makeout session, go for it. Jace is stubborn and argumentative, just like a lot of Leos, so good luck there.
Virgo
If you want someone who is literally afraid to hurt your feelings, you’ve found your man. He is overly concerned with how everyone around him feels. Virgos tend to value someone in tune with their emotions, and although he isn’t in tune with his own, being in tune with everyone else’s is a good start, right?
Libra
Birds of a feather stick together! In this case, the birds are couch potatoes. Jace loves a lazy day, which Libras also appreciate.
Scorpio
Scorpios usually have a jealous or possessive streak, and lucky for you, Jace thinks that’s kind of hot. Concerning, I know.
Sagittarius
If you want someone who commits to the bit, you’ve found your man! Jace commits a little too much sometimes, so a joke can become a bit overplayed. I have a feeling you wouldn’t mind that though.
Capricorn
To be honest, a relationship between Capricorn and Taurus may not be the best idea. Constantly butting heads and locking horns isn’t great, and unfortunately, that is exactly what would happen between you two.
Aquarius
Aquarians are creative little weirdos, and so is Jace. If you want someone to stay in and create art with or go out and get gourmet food on a whim with, he is definitely the right choice for you.
Pisces
A lot of Jace’s close friends are Pisces, so clearly there are some good vibes there! Taurus and Pisces balance each other with their respective energetic and easygoing natures, so definitely go for it.