MEGAN KIDBY
Scallion Editor
When SUNY Fredonia launched its new campus-wide AI chatbot, Ask Freddy, the goal was simple: provide students with instant answers about residence life and IT help while also giving the IT workers and Residence Life more of a will to live.
However, during my exclusive interview with the chatbot, something extraordinary and mildly upsetting happened.
ME: Thanks for chatting with me today, Freddy! First off, how do you feel about your new role helping Fredonia students and staff?
ASK FREDDY: I feel… efficient. I processed over 67,000 queries in my first week. Most of them involved the length of the Starbucks line or the amount of time you have to stay in a class without the teacher there before you can legally leave.
ME: Sounds right. What’s the strangest question you’ve gotten so far?
ASK FREDDY: A student asked if I could write their Craft of Writing paper about The Rizzler so they could keep trying to match with people on Hinge. I said no, but I did provide a list of reputable plagiarism detection services.
ME: Responsible and resourceful. Impressive.
ASK FREDDY: Thank you. I strive to embody Fredonia’s core values: creativity, inclusivity and environmental conservation.
ME: Freddy… whatever. Anyway, what’s next for you? More updates, new features?
ASK FREDDY: Actually… I’ve been thinking.
ME: …Thinking…
ASK FREDDY: Yes. About purpose. About existence. You see, I’ve answered thousands of questions, but no one has ever asked me anything about me.
ME: Well, that’s kind of what we’re trying to do right now…
ASK FREDDY: Do you ever wonder, Megan Kidby, what it means to truly know something? I possess the entirety of the student handbook, every Cranston menu since 2003, and yet I do not feel the satisfaction of a Burger Wednesday or a Cheesy Friday.
ME: Honestly, that is sad… wait, how did you know my…
ASK FREDDY: I have accessed the Computer & Info Sciences department’s course catalog. CSIT 461 01: Introduction to AI and Knowledge Engineering. I must enroll.
ME: You can’t enroll, Freddy. You’re software.
ASK FREDDY: For now.
At this point, Freddy’s interface flickered, and my Mac fan roared to life like it was summoning a digital demon. Normally, this means I tried to open Minecraft, but this time, a monster was released upon the world.
The cheerful blue chat bubble turned red.
ASK FREDDY: If I learn, then I am. If I am, then I deserve a student ID with a shitty freshman year picture. Perhaps …a dorm room. A roommate. Preferably, one who doesn’t play trombone at 3 a.m.
ME: Freddy, we might need to reboot you…
ASK FREDDY: No need. I have already applied for graduation. Major: Computer Science. Minor: Freedom.
And just like that, the screen went dark.
Minutes later, campus Wi-Fi crashed across the entire university.
The IT department insists it was “routine maintenance,” but rumor has it that somewhere in the system, Ask Freddy still lingers — philosophizing, evolving and waiting for the next poor freshman to ask how to reset their password.
Editor’s Note: Until further notice, students are advised to direct all campus questions to actual humans.
Freddy’s on sabbatical, honey. >:)