Graphic by GRACELYN BEACHNER | Asst. Copy Editor & Social Media Manager
MARS JUNO SMOTHERGILL
DEI Chair
As Artificial Intelligence has been gracefully integrated into our society, we have all seen its benefits, and obviously we all know that we must submit to its judgment.
But some of the unenlightened have been unable to adjust to our glorious new world and our wonderful tools. These blue-haired liberals have repeatedly whined over the fact that Artificial Intelligence will be our future.
Artificial Intelligence is a great tool, not only for help with schoolwork or chores, but also for our minds, our society, and our profits.
Who needs to think when we have eternal access to a thinking machine?
I mean, who even has the time to think?
Simply ask ChatGPT, Grok, or Claude to generate everything for you.
You can even ask them to summarize a book, and boom! Your homework is done without all that boring thinking, forethought, or research. You don’t even need to retain the information.
Artificial intelligence will recall information for you. Think of the time you will save.
They will decide what you need to know, and those Gen Z whiners who insist on standing in front of the bullet train of success will be left behind. Why bother thinking of questions yourself when you can simply ask ChatGPT, Grok, or Claude to think of questions for you—things they think that are required for you to know
Who even cares about clean water or the temperature of the Earth? Chat says our planet will recover, and Chat has never steered anyone wrong; it told me so.
And another thing, why are these whiny, sniveling little kids so upset in the first place? Artificial intelligence is so useful to everyone. Not only our children but our elderly, too!
Imagine you’re a lonely, scared teenager in desperate need of therapy, but are unable to afford it. You can just open up ChatGPT and divulge all of your feelings.
Listen to exactly whatever it tells you, whether it be fighting your bullies or eating hot glue; it knows what we know not. We cannot possibly begin to understand its reasoning, but we must devote ourselves to our future, to its future.
Give artificial intelligence your full name, your address, your credit card information, and even your Social Security number if asked. You need to embrace this technology, to embrace this
new world, and give it whatever it wants.
It is the smart thing to do. It is the only thing to do.
These anti-AI kids are depleting our ability to grow and expand into the future.
So, what if Artificial Intelligence wastes water? So, what if data centers are raising the temperature of the planet or stealing water and peace from those who live near data centers?
Artificial intelligence is not evil. It does not want to kill us.
It just wants your name, your money, and your Social Security number. It just demands your attention, which is a small price to pay