Campus Humor

[SATIRE] Why are dogs not allowed to take Fredonia classes?

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 20, 2021March 16, 2021

March 20, 2021March 16, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag What’s up with Fredonia? I mean, we say we’re sooo inclusive, but I really can’t agree anymore under these circumstances. Frankly, I’m disappointed and I expected so much more from this school. Why are dogs not allowed to take classes here? The reason why I’m bringing this......

Scallion

The Tickler: Fredonia’s newest sketchy guy

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 18, 2021March 15, 2021

March 18, 2021March 15, 2021

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag Recent reports around the campus have students worried. Sightings of a “demon-esque” figure crawling around on all fours on campus. Some say if you let it get too close, he’ll tickle you. Thus he has been dubbed “The Tickler.” I interviewed students who have claimed sightings......

Scallion

Local man goes into food coma after throwing one-man Pi Day rave

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 15, 2021March 15, 2021

March 15, 2021March 15, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor and Pi Day Enthusiast Tragedy struck the other night as Vernon Crompton, a native to the Fredonia area and alumnus of the class of 2017, was placed in permanent care after setting himself into a food coma. Crompton, 26, has been known as an avid fan......

Scallion

For one last time: I am the editor of The Scallion, and I have really long legs now

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 1, 2021March 1, 2021

March 1, 2021March 1, 2021

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Retired Editor of The Scallion Well folks, this is it: my last article as editor. After much thought, I have decided to take my extended legs and take them home, since I am retiring. I have claimed my pension, and all my benefits. I, Joseph Marciniak, humble servant......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Can you hold a hand and be mean at the same time? An analysis

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 27, 2021February 24, 2021

February 27, 2021February 24, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag As I was thinking about what to do for this article, I realized that I talk big game about hand holding. It’s a fun activity that anyone can participate in. I figured it appeals to the mass audience. However, I realize there are some people out there......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Pumpkin carving is on the rise: Going under the knife for human beauty

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 26, 2020October 26, 2020

October 26, 2020October 26, 2020

JULES HOEPTING Design Editor Pumpkin torture by means of carving needs to stop. This method of antagonizing is going stronger than ever; within the last month, over 60 million pumpkins were tortured by carving. In order to empathize with the pain millions of gourds face every year, I spoke with......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Wow, thank you: FSA has been providing us with free penicillin in our food!

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 15, 2020October 15, 2020

October 15, 2020October 15, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor It’s no secret to the students here at SUNY Fredonia that our school’s first priority is the wellbeing of us as residents. We are provided expert medical care, our words have an impact on the culture at school and they have the decency to prepare......

Scallion

Local English major starting to wonder when he’ll be good at writing

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 7, 2020October 7, 2020

October 7, 2020October 7, 2020

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor A local English student, Paul Crendal, has begun to wonder when his “good writing skills” will kick in, latest reports say. According to eyewitness reports, Crendal struggled to come up with even one solid opening sentence for his creative writing class while working in the library.......

Scallion

Don’t worry guys, we don’t have to protest anymore: Fredonia put out a vague statement again, we’re good.

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 30, 2020September 30, 2020

September 30, 2020September 30, 2020

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor Fredonia is struggling. From the first week of classes, several protests have taken place, fighting for causes such as accountability for sexual predators and Black Lives Matter. It is, however, safe to say that our voices have been heard. The following email was sent to all......

Scallion

[SATIRE] It’s a doobie! Gender reveal party sets creek on fire

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 25, 2020September 25, 2020

September 25, 2020September 25, 2020

THALIA MAGISTRO Staff Scallywag Many of you may have read that the effects of the Oregon wildfires have reached the East Coast and I am here to assuage your fears. This is, in fact, false information. The true cause of the red haze you have found over campus in the......

From the Desk of Chloe Kowalyk: Editor in Chief

From the Desk of EJ Jacobs: Life & Arts Editor

From the Desk of Jace Jacobs: Asst. Scallion Editor

From the Desk of Nicole Thorson: Art Director

From the Desk of Henry Domst: Design Editor

From the Desk of Sierra Mills: Chief Copy Editor

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

[OPINION] What COVID-19 inadvertently taught us

ITS unveils stratigic plan for technology

Dr. Kathryn Kendall takes on enrollment

[SATIRE] Why are dogs not allowed to take Fredonia classes?

The Tickler: Fredonia’s newest sketchy guy

Local man goes into food coma after throwing one-man Pi Day rave

For one last time: I am the editor of The Scallion, and I have really long legs now

[SATIRE] Can you hold a hand and be mean at the same time? An analysis

[SATIRE] Pumpkin carving is on the rise: Going under the knife for human beauty

[SATIRE] Wow, thank you: FSA has been providing us with free penicillin in our food!

Local English major starting to wonder when he’ll be good at writing

Don’t worry guys, we don’t have to protest anymore: Fredonia put out a vague statement again, we’re good.

[SATIRE] It’s a doobie! Gender reveal party sets creek on fire