Campus Humor

[SATIRE] It’s a doobie! Gender reveal party sets creek on fire

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 25, 2020September 25, 2020

September 25, 2020September 25, 2020

Reading Time: 2 minutesTHALIA MAGISTRO Staff Scallywag Many of you may have read that the effects of the Oregon wildfires have reached the East Coast and I am here to assuage your fears. This is, in fact, false information. The true cause of the red haze you have found over campus in the......

Scallion

[SATIRE] As if things couldn’t get worse, ex-interim president Hefner has been wandering around campus with a gun

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 25, 2020September 25, 2020

September 25, 2020September 25, 2020

Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONGuest Scallywag With all of the commotion going on with COVID-19, non-potable water and general college anxiety, most students are on their toes already. Students are sick and tired of hearing or reading the word “unprecedented.” Shockingly enough, their stress meters have indeed skyrocketed. The reason, of course, is......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Small college student eats salsa on ground

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 17, 2020September 18, 2020

September 17, 2020September 18, 2020

Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONGuest Scallywag Today, a student living in Gregory Hall was doing homework but decided to take a break for a shocking and unique reason: to eat salsa on the ground. This student is a music therapy major, so she had many valid and psychological reasons as to why she......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Top five criminal activities available to you this fall

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 16, 2020September 17, 2020

September 16, 2020September 17, 2020

Reading Time: 3 minutesTHALIA MAGISTRO Staff Scallywag Sometimes the desperate need to commit heinous crimes on campus comes to you. I get it. Filthy criminals like you don’t stop, and why should you? That’s why I’ve compiled a list, in no particular order, of the top five ways you can get put in......

Scallion

Horoscopes, 9/12

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 12, 2020September 12, 2020

September 12, 2020September 12, 2020

Reading Time: < 1 minuteHANNAH BLIDYStaff Scallywag aries: corona got you down? check out scorpio for some tips 🙂 !! taurus: you deserve a drink for everything you’ve been dealing with. obviously an age-appropriate non-alcoholic drink if you’re under 21. maybe like a capri sun or something. gemini: (italian accent) i got a pizza......

Scallion

I didn’t realize how cool my family got when I left for college

Contributor to The LeaderMay 9, 2020May 9, 2020

May 9, 2020May 9, 2020

Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag I’ve had a lot of time to hang out with my family this semester. From August 25 on, I spent a lot of time separated from them, and even though I would call once a week, I couldn’t help but feel like we grew apart. I......

Scallion

Horoscopes 5/6/2020

Contributor to The LeaderMay 6, 2020May 6, 2020

May 6, 2020May 6, 2020

Reading Time: < 1 minuteALEXANDRA WALSHProfessional selfie-taker and simp Aquarius: You came to The Leader the day of your daughter’s wedding to read your horoscope? Pisces: Don’t let these horoscopes define who you are. Aries: Your horoscope 10,000% defines who you are. Don’t listen to Pisces. Taurus: I miss you as much as dads......

Scallion

Horoscopes 5/2/2020

Contributor to The LeaderMay 2, 2020May 2, 2020

May 2, 2020May 2, 2020

Reading Time: < 1 minuteALEXANDRA WALSH Professional comedian and frozen pizza cooker Aquarius: I love and miss you people. Pisces: I bet you’d look beautiful, even with a face mask on. Aries: Aries?? More like HAIR-ES. Just because there’s a stay @ home order doesn’t mean we let ourselves go. Shave, please. Taurus: Finally,......

Scallion

Horoscopes 4/25/2020

Contributor to The LeaderApril 25, 2020April 24, 2020

April 25, 2020April 24, 2020

Reading Time: < 1 minuteALEXANDRA WALSH Special to The Leader Aquarius: Summer is coming up and we are all dying to know, is your summer body ready yet? Probably not, so start jogging. Pisces: It takes a lot to sit in the house all day, but you know what else is hard? These online......

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[Satire] Pets’ perspective: The pandemic

Contributor to The LeaderApril 19, 2020April 17, 2020

April 19, 2020April 17, 2020

Reading Time: 2 minutesJULES HOEPTING Guest Scallywag Here at The Leader, we strive for balanced perspectives on important issues. It has been apparent that one COVID-19 highly affected group — the pets — has been practically ignored. As it turns out, just like us humans, pets are processing the pandemic in different ways. ......

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[SATIRE] It’s a doobie! Gender reveal party sets creek on fire

[SATIRE] As if things couldn’t get worse, ex-interim president Hefner has been wandering around campus with a gun

[SATIRE] Small college student eats salsa on ground

[SATIRE] Top five criminal activities available to you this fall

Horoscopes, 9/12

I didn’t realize how cool my family got when I left for college

Horoscopes 5/6/2020

Horoscopes 5/2/2020

Horoscopes 4/25/2020

[Satire] Pets’ perspective: The pandemic