March 6, 2026
Featured

5th Quarter Column: McDermott fired after latest playoff heartbreak

5th Quarter Column: Rocky road leads Bills to Denver

5th Quarter Column: California Dreamin’

Printing points introduced for students, staff

5th Quarter Column: Allen regains MVP form with six scores

Fredonia’s hockey recruiting extends across the nation, world

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What dessert should you bring to your fall…

The ultimate cran-baby tier list

A girlfriend’s guide to watching your partner play video games

Lovercolumn: Expressions of Love

The Leader

Campus Humor

Scallion

FSA Bakeshop struggles to meet student’s order for 10 tons of gingerbread dough

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesJAMES MEAD Patio BBQ Enthusiast The FSA Bakeshop, one of FSA’s many special events, offers a festive selection of cookies and cookie dough — but if you want gingerbread, you’re fresh out of luck. The Bakeshop was sent reeling this Monday after a sophomore, Noelle Carol, ordered 10 tons of......
Read more
Scallion

Hair dye shortage causes local stressed student to freak out

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag Ellie Hollis, a freshman theater production and design major, has reached a new low. Her hair, a neat green-blue at the end, has started to show its true dirty-blonde color. It’s been three weeks since she re-dyed her roots, and she’s about to lose it. “I’m......
Read more
Scallion

My exams are coming up and I don’t feel like writing, so here’s a list of pasta types I like

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesJOSEPH MARCINIAK Editor of the Scallion Hi everyone. I know you all expect top-quality content from me every week, but alas, I am feeling quite lazy. Instead of some amazing article about the news or some hot take on a campus issue, here’s some different pasta types I like, in......
Read more
Scallion

Fredonia responds to UB transfer ad by putting own ads in UB newspaper

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJOSEPH MARCINIAK Editor of the Scallion After seeing a controversial new ad out in The Leader newspaper, the Fredonia faculty board decided to retaliate in a story for the ages. The ad was a simple yet striking one, saying “You should be here. Transfer today.” In fact, you can flip......
Read more
Scallion

“Are YOU the person committing arson in Mason Hall?”

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: < 1 minuteALEXANDRA WALSH Guest Scallywag Andy Arson, sophomore communication major with a minor in “Spongebob” “F is for fires that we start in Mason U is for University Police N is for no witnesses anywhere down here in Mason Hall.” Mason Fire-Starter, senior pyro major with a minor in lying “Dude,......
Read more
Scallion

Hi everyone, it’s me, the editor of the Scallion, but this time, I’ve got muscles! An open letter to the school

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesJOSEPH MARCINIAK Big Muscular Editor of the Scallion For years, I have strived to be a man with muscles. I usually walk around with noodle arms like many others. But my friends, I have some news. I, Joseph Marciniak, now have big muscles. As you can see by the image......
Read more
Scallion

It’s officially moronic clothing choice season once again

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag With the first snowfall taking place last week, there was a lot of hustle and bustle of college students that have apparently never seen snow before. The next generation of American minds looked up in horror to behold the one thing they could never be prepared......
Read more
Scallion

“How do YOU feel about underage drinking on campus?”

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: < 1 minuteALEXANDRA WALSH Guest Scallywag Jack Daniels, sophomore chemistry major “According to my Rhode Island license, it is legal for me to drink … so does that count as underage?” Bailey Hennessy, freshman party girl with a concentration in strawberry Burnett’s “What the RAs don’t know won’t hurt them. Let the......
Read more

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. By clicking any link on this page, you are permitting us to set cookies. Accept Read More