Campus Humor

FSA Bakeshop struggles to meet student’s order for 10 tons of gingerbread dough

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 10, 2019December 10, 2019

December 10, 2019December 10, 2019

JAMES MEAD Patio BBQ Enthusiast The FSA Bakeshop, one of FSA’s many special events, offers a festive selection of cookies and cookie dough — but if you want gingerbread, you’re fresh out of luck. The Bakeshop was sent reeling this Monday after a sophomore, Noelle Carol, ordered 10 tons of......

Scallion

Hair dye shortage causes local stressed student to freak out

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 10, 2019December 10, 2019

December 10, 2019December 10, 2019

MATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag Ellie Hollis, a freshman theater production and design major, has reached a new low. Her hair, a neat green-blue at the end, has started to show its true dirty-blonde color. It’s been three weeks since she re-dyed her roots, and she’s about to lose it. “I’m......

Scallion

My exams are coming up and I don’t feel like writing, so here’s a list of pasta types I like

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 10, 2019December 10, 2019

December 10, 2019December 10, 2019

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Editor of the Scallion Hi everyone. I know you all expect top-quality content from me every week, but alas, I am feeling quite lazy. Instead of some amazing article about the news or some hot take on a campus issue, here’s some different pasta types I like, in......

Scallion

Idiot Scallywag forgets to write article over break

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 4, 2019December 3, 2019

December 4, 2019December 3, 2019

MATTHEW BAUM Previously-mentioned Idiot Scallywag It is currently 10:04 a.m. on Sunday, Dec. 1 in Manlius, New York, and a college kid is desperately typing on his mom’s computer, his face in a grimace, as the smell of Pillsbury crescent rolls wafts in from the kitchen. His concentration is at......

Scallion

Fredonia responds to UB transfer ad by putting own ads in UB newspaper

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 4, 2019December 3, 2019

December 4, 2019December 3, 2019

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Editor of the Scallion After seeing a controversial new ad out in The Leader newspaper, the Fredonia faculty board decided to retaliate in a story for the ages. The ad was a simple yet striking one, saying “You should be here. Transfer today.” In fact, you can flip......

Scallion

“Are YOU the person committing arson in Mason Hall?”

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 13, 2019November 15, 2019

November 13, 2019November 15, 2019

ALEXANDRA WALSH Guest Scallywag Andy Arson, sophomore communication major with a minor in “Spongebob” “F is for fires that we start in Mason U is for University Police N is for no witnesses anywhere down here in Mason Hall.” Mason Fire-Starter, senior pyro major with a minor in lying “Dude,......

Scallion

Hi everyone, it’s me, the editor of the Scallion, but this time, I’ve got muscles! An open letter to the school

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 13, 2019November 13, 2019

November 13, 2019November 13, 2019

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Big Muscular Editor of the Scallion For years, I have strived to be a man with muscles. I usually walk around with noodle arms like many others. But my friends, I have some news. I, Joseph Marciniak, now have big muscles. As you can see by the image......

Scallion

It’s officially moronic clothing choice season once again

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 13, 2019November 15, 2019

November 13, 2019November 15, 2019

MATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag With the first snowfall taking place last week, there was a lot of hustle and bustle of college students that have apparently never seen snow before. The next generation of American minds looked up in horror to behold the one thing they could never be prepared......

Scallion

“How do YOU feel about underage drinking on campus?”

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 6, 2019November 6, 2019

November 6, 2019November 6, 2019

ALEXANDRA WALSH Guest Scallywag Jack Daniels, sophomore chemistry major “According to my Rhode Island license, it is legal for me to drink … so does that count as underage?” Bailey Hennessy, freshman party girl with a concentration in strawberry Burnett’s “What the RAs don’t know won’t hurt them. Let the......

Scallion

Great work, we’re proud!

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 6, 2019November 6, 2019

November 6, 2019November 6, 2019

YOUR PARENT/GUARDIAN Guest Scallywag If you need some encouragement for the rest of the semester, please continue reading. Oh, hey there son/daughter/non-gendered child, it is I, your father/mother/legal guardian. I just wanted to take a moment here in the Scallion section of the newspaper to tell you I’m real proud......

From the Desk of Chloe Kowalyk: Editor in Chief

From the Desk of EJ Jacobs: Life & Arts Editor

From the Desk of Jace Jacobs: Asst. Scallion Editor

From the Desk of Nicole Thorson: Art Director

From the Desk of Henry Domst: Design Editor

From the Desk of Sierra Mills: Chief Copy Editor

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

[OPINION] What COVID-19 inadvertently taught us

ITS unveils stratigic plan for technology

Dr. Kathryn Kendall takes on enrollment

FSA Bakeshop struggles to meet student’s order for 10 tons of gingerbread dough

Hair dye shortage causes local stressed student to freak out

My exams are coming up and I don’t feel like writing, so here’s a list of pasta types I like

Idiot Scallywag forgets to write article over break

Fredonia responds to UB transfer ad by putting own ads in UB newspaper

“Are YOU the person committing arson in Mason Hall?”

Hi everyone, it’s me, the editor of the Scallion, but this time, I’ve got muscles! An open letter to the school

It’s officially moronic clothing choice season once again

“How do YOU feel about underage drinking on campus?”

Great work, we’re proud!