Campus Humor

Mother uproots Fredonia student’s family to follow her daughter to school

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 6, 2019February 6, 2020

November 6, 2019February 6, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag One of the biggest concerns most college students have is that they will be too distant from their family. The move to campus is fun, and opportunities open up for those who attend university, but it’s quite an abrupt change from being able to see your......

Scallion

Spooky Stories to tell in the dark: Dr. Hefner edition

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 30, 2019October 30, 2019

October 30, 2019October 30, 2019

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Spooky Editor of the Scallion Buckle up, everyone, we have a SPOOKY story to tell you. This story is 100% true, so you better be prepared. Are you sitting comfortably? Then let’s begin. It all started on an average Halloween night. Dr. Hefner sat in his office, counting......

Scallion

Guy downloads Tik Tok ironically and starts using it religiously

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 16, 2019October 16, 2019

October 16, 2019October 16, 2019

MATTHEW BAUM Guest Scallywag What’s the old phrase? “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” This is the fate that has fallen upon freshman gravitational studies major Samuel Mitch, who has found himself Tik Tok famous. Mitch claims that he was an......

Scallion

Widdle Adam Schiff uwu, puh-wease don’t wook into tha whistlebwower!

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 16, 2019October 16, 2019

October 16, 2019October 16, 2019

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Long-Suffering Editor of the Scallion Hi everyone. Here at the Scallion, we strive for the finest articles. We sit for hours, discussing what is socially and politically relevant, and most of all, what is funny. At our weekly meetings on Monday, I had an idea. I wrote down......

Scallion

Down with the Scallion! Writer fed up with oppressive formatting guidelines

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 16, 2019October 16, 2019

October 16, 2019October 16, 2019

COREY DALE-MILLER Guest Scallywag Fredonia Scallion writer Corey Dale-Miller was scolded last week for no reason. Dale-Miller, who wears glasses, was told specifically not to use 18-point font. How am I supposed to see this shit if it’s only 10-point font? Like seriously, my glasses barely work anyways. I’ve really......

Scallion

“What do YOU think of the possible impeachment of Donald Trump?”

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 16, 2019October 16, 2019

October 16, 2019October 16, 2019

ALEXANDRA WALSH Guest Scallywag Monnie Lewinski, freshman psychology major with an internship at the White House “He goes to zoom tan, right?” Lenny D., senior environmental science major with a minor in acting “I heard he takes his private jet everywhere, and that is NOT good for the environment. If......

Scallion

The Scallion responds: Willie C’s scathing cease and desist letter

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 16, 2019October 16, 2019

October 16, 2019October 16, 2019

DOM MAGISTRO Assistant Scallion Editor Mr. C: It is with a heavy heart I respond to your letter calling us here at the Scallion “crass and inappropriate and altogether inaccurate.” Here at the Scallion, we strive to be accurate above all else. That is why I would like to meet......

Scallion

Local student committed to doing essay after five more minutes of video game

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 9, 2019October 8, 2019

October 9, 2019October 8, 2019

COREY DALE-MILLER Guest Scallywag Neva S. Tapp, a sophomore communication major who had not yet started his English class essay, was last seen playing “Borderlands 3” alone on his couch. When The Scallion inquired about Tapp’s intention to finish his schoolwork, Tapp noted that “Borderlands 3″ had only just come......

Scallion

Local student really hoping they’re lucky enough to get cold chicken wings made several hours ago at Willy C’s

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 9, 2019October 8, 2019

October 9, 2019October 8, 2019

MATTHEW BAUM Guest Scallywag Willy C’s: the goddamn dungeon of overhyped fast food that lurks beneath the Williams Center. We’re all familiar with the long lines, the disturbing smell of despair and half-furnished basement and the television screen of hypnotic and meaninglessly-color-coded numbers. But we still go. We still hope......

Scallion

Student ends cyberbullying, deletes social media

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 2, 2019October 1, 2019

October 2, 2019October 1, 2019

DOM MAGISTRO Assistant Scallion Editor You heard it here first, folks. After weeks spent dreading logging into Facebook, Frederick Drain has taken action against his aggressors. Ever since he went to class wearing a full suit of armor, clanging and creaking down the halls, other students referred to him as......

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Mother uproots Fredonia student’s family to follow her daughter to school

Spooky Stories to tell in the dark: Dr. Hefner edition

Widdle Adam Schiff uwu, puh-wease don’t wook into tha whistlebwower!

Down with the Scallion! Writer fed up with oppressive formatting guidelines

“What do YOU think of the possible impeachment of Donald Trump?”

The Scallion responds: Willie C’s scathing cease and desist letter

Local student committed to doing essay after five more minutes of video game

Local student really hoping they’re lucky enough to get cold chicken wings made several hours ago at Willy C’s

Student ends cyberbullying, deletes social media