comedy

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What minor inconvenience will you face?

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 6, 2023October 3, 2023

October 6, 2023October 3, 2023

JACE JACOBSAssistant Editor of The Scallion Hey guys. I don’t know how to start this off but I just want to let everyone know two things: 1. Midterms are quickly approaching and 2. The end is nigh. These things might be related but I’m not entirely sure, mercury is in......

Scallion

[SATIRE] KENERGY: A RETROSPECTIVE

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 10, 2023September 6, 2023

September 10, 2023September 6, 2023

JACE JACOBS Assistant Scallion Editor Since the release of the “Barbie” movie, a new phenomenon has been sweeping the nation: Kenergy. Unfortunately, this movement has been misconstrued and overtaken by what I call “Fens” (fake Kens). Kenergy isn’t for every man, and some men don’t get that. Kenergy is for......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Guys, I haven’t gotten COVID-19 yet, and I feel left out >:(

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 25, 2022February 25, 2022

February 25, 2022February 25, 2022

BRIAN CECALA Scallywag Hey guys, It’s ya boy Brian, local popular writer for the Scallion. It’s been hard these past few years with COVID-19 because everyone keeps getting it, and I haven’t yet! Everyone gets to post fun little stories on their Facebook and cute quarantine photos but not me!......

Scallion

[SATIRE] These are my thoughts and you’re going to read them

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 12, 2021December 13, 2021

December 12, 2021December 13, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag So, the Scallion, huh? Isn’t it fun? A little silly? Whatever. Anyway, point is, I’m writing some stuff and I don’t care what you think because I’m a little punk. Chicken Fingers. They’re a bit tasty, but you absolutely have to get them from the right place.......

Scallion

[SATIRE] The Scallion wants me to kill the Queen of England

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 13, 2021November 13, 2021

November 13, 2021November 13, 2021

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Scallion

[SATIRE] Amid director’s cut fad, “Seinfeld” cut rumors raise eyebrows

Contributor to The LeaderApril 28, 2021April 28, 2021

April 28, 2021April 28, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Editor of the Scallion and “Seinfeld” Aficionado Big news broke last week as Jerry Seinfeld threw his hat into the ring of speculative extended cuts of cultural milestones. Seinfeld, best known for his role as Barry B. Benson in the hit 2007 film, “Bee Movie” announced that he......

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Horoscopes: What should your sign dress up as for Halloween?

TADA to perform “Legally Blonde: The Musical”

Opinion on opinions

Why do 10-year-olds think they’re better than me at Dress…

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What minor inconvenience will you face?

[SATIRE] KENERGY: A RETROSPECTIVE

[SATIRE] Guys, I haven’t gotten COVID-19 yet, and I feel left out >:(

[SATIRE] These are my thoughts and you’re going to read them

[SATIRE] The Scallion wants me to kill the Queen of England

[SATIRE] Amid director’s cut fad, “Seinfeld” cut rumors raise eyebrows