[SATIRE] Local Scallion Editor runs out of ideas
Reading Time: 2 minutesIn a shocking turn of events that has rocked The Leader’s satire section to its very core, Editor Megan Kidby has officially run out of ideas. ...
comedy
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: How did you spend your Valentine’s Day?
Reading Time: 4 minutesABBIE MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Hopeful Romantic In my opinion, Valentine’s Day is the one holiday that is as universally hated as it is loved. Those who do not have a romantic partner are left hating those who do and those who do are left too blissfully unaware of their surroundings to......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What minor inconvenience will you face?
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJACE JACOBSAssistant Editor of The Scallion Hey guys. I don’t know how to start this off but I just want to let everyone know two things: 1. Midterms are quickly approaching and 2. The end is nigh. These things might be related but I’m not entirely sure, mercury is in......
[SATIRE] KENERGY: A RETROSPECTIVE
Reading Time: 3 minutesJACE JACOBS Assistant Scallion Editor Since the release of the “Barbie” movie, a new phenomenon has been sweeping the nation: Kenergy. Unfortunately, this movement has been misconstrued and overtaken by what I call “Fens” (fake Kens). Kenergy isn’t for every man, and some men don’t get that. Kenergy is for......
[SATIRE] Guys, I haven’t gotten COVID-19 yet, and I feel left out >:(
Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Scallywag Hey guys, It’s ya boy Brian, local popular writer for the Scallion. It’s been hard these past few years with COVID-19 because everyone keeps getting it, and I haven’t yet! Everyone gets to post fun little stories on their Facebook and cute quarantine photos but not me!......
[SATIRE] These are my thoughts and you’re going to read them
Reading Time: 2 minutesJAY BYRONStaff Scallywag So, the Scallion, huh? Isn’t it fun? A little silly? Whatever. Anyway, point is, I’m writing some stuff and I don’t care what you think because I’m a little punk. Chicken Fingers. They’re a bit tasty, but you absolutely have to get them from the right place.......
[SATIRE] The Scallion wants me to kill the Queen of England
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[SATIRE] Amid director’s cut fad, “Seinfeld” cut rumors raise eyebrows
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Editor of the Scallion and “Seinfeld” Aficionado Big news broke last week as Jerry Seinfeld threw his hat into the ring of speculative extended cuts of cultural milestones. Seinfeld, best known for his role as Barry B. Benson in the hit 2007 film, “Bee Movie” announced that he......