Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 23, 2019October 21, 2019

October 23, 2019October 21, 2019

ARIES It seems like it mightbe time for you to riseand shine. TAURUS This weekend you willbe rising and shining. LEO #riseandshine VIRGO Don’t bet on sports.You’ll end up losing allyour money and youwon’t be happy whenyou rise and shine. CANCER Rise and shine. LIBRA Libra, you walk too slowin......

Scallion

Horoscopes 10/9/19

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 9, 2019October 9, 2019

October 9, 2019October 9, 2019

ALEXANDRA WALSH Guest Scallywag Aquarius: Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could end up in prison. Watch out. Pisces: You should buy airpods because the wire on your headphones is very embarrassing. Aries: On Friday, you will feel a weight......

Scallion

Horoscopes 9/25/19

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 25, 2019September 24, 2019

September 25, 2019September 24, 2019

ALEXANDRA WALSHGuest Scallywag Aquarius: Check the weather this weekend. I can see a 100% chance of tears in your forecast. Pisces: If you’re feeling like you need to go grocery shopping after a full week of eating out … don’t. Go get that four for $4.44 Aries: This week is......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 11, 2019September 11, 2019

September 11, 2019September 11, 2019

DOM MAGISTRO Staff Scallywag Aries: If you’re going to start a fight, wear sneakers. You’re going to need to run. Taurus: The world seems like it’s against you, but that’s just because you need to turn around. Gemini: People say you’re two-faced, but that’s not true. You’re such a backstabber.......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderMay 5, 2016August 15, 2019

May 5, 2016August 15, 2019

REBECCA HALE Reverb Co-Editor Aries: You’ve been working your tushie off all semester, so you should probably take the week off. Don’t turn in a single assignment. Don’t even go to class or finals. You’ll still pass, maybe. Taurus: You’ve been wearing the same clothes for weeks. It’s......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderMay 1, 2016August 15, 2019

May 1, 2016August 15, 2019

PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist Aries You’re finally going to meet your Tinderfella for a coffee at Upper Crust! Too bad he will literally be a koala bear. You’ve been catfished! Taurus Make a wish upon the stars; you’ll be sloshed and behind bars! Happy birthday, Taurus! ......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderApril 22, 2016August 15, 2019

April 22, 2016August 15, 2019

JESSICA D’NONSENS Lampoonist Aries Start growing your beard. If you’re not a man, grow it even larger than your male counterparts to combat the patriarchy. Taurus Buy a barrel. Go to Niagara Falls. Step into the barrel. Let the river take you down. Become famous forever. Gemini You will find......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderApril 17, 2016August 15, 2019

April 17, 2016August 15, 2019

MISSY FEOLA Staff Lampoonist Aries It’s time to face the cold, dark truth: Winter is never-ending. Summer will never come. It is the winter of your life, so bundle up and shut up about the sun. Taurus Buy yourself some dog food air fresheners for your car for......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderApril 7, 2016August 15, 2019

April 7, 2016August 15, 2019

PATRICK BENNETT Lampoon Aries It doesn’t matter if you bought a strobe light and neon clothing. Nobody is going to show up to the rave in your dorm room. Clean your mini fridge; maybe after the stench is gone people will come. Taurus Be careful maneuvering on......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderApril 1, 2016August 15, 2019

April 1, 2016August 15, 2019

Aries Midterms got you down? That’s alright. At least you don’t have to worry about disappointing your parents; they’ve been disappointed for a while. Taurus You may get catcalled on your way home from Fred Mart. Lunge at your assailants with the full fury of the heavens. ......

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Horoscopes 10/9/19

Horoscopes 9/25/19

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