REBECCA HALE
Reverb Co-Editor
Aries: You’ve been working your tushie off all semester, so you should probably take the week off. Don’t turn in a single assignment. Don’t even go to class or finals. You’ll still pass, maybe.
Taurus: You’ve been wearing the same clothes for weeks. It’s time to emerge from your hideaway in the academic halls. The daylight may burn at first, so apply sunblock generously.
Gemini: This semester has been a roller coaster for you; this will continue. Forever. Enjoy the ride, and keep all body parts inside the vehicle at all times.
Cancer: Technology has been consuming far too much of your time. It’s time to divorce it and find some actual friends, maybe the squirrels for a start.
Leo: Your colleagues are starting to worry that you may have died. Please make an appearance soon or the police will start looking for you.
Virgo: You will have a shocking encounter this week. Definitely go to Sunny’s or buy that strip club on Water Street that keeps changing its name.
Libra: The constellations are tired of your perfect, in-tact life, Libra. It’s time to get wild. Shotgun a beer in class. Streak across campus. Just. Do. Something.
Scorpio: After Monday is over, a weight will be lifted from your shoulders. Commence heavy binge-drinking afterward and probably beforehand, too.
Sagittarius: Your stress level is at a peak this week. Even though 4/20 was two weeks ago, you should probably pretend that it’s a month-long holiday. Facing your finals in an enlightened state of mind might help your poor, fragmented soul.
Capricorn: Your OCD is eating you alive — it might be time to finally unleash the beast on your messy roommate. You can blame it on the disease; your roommate should pay for the amount of times he or she left the place in a state of filth.
Aquarius: Don’t worry about grades; just wing everything. Numbers and GPAs are trivial anyway, right? Just keep on ignoring that stack of work and it might blow away.
Pisces: Now is not the time to get emotional — you’ve already been doing that for too long. Every time you shed a tear, take a shot of Burnett’s.