Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 23, 2015August 15, 2019

November 23, 2015August 15, 2019

MISSY FEOLA Staff Lampoonist Capricorn Feeling extra salty today? The Starbucks cups got you all riled up? Go find some sugar and sprinkle it all over yourself to counteract your salty ways. Then, put some in your coffee and shut up. Aquarius No one likes to be......

Scallion

Fancy Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 10, 2015August 15, 2019

November 10, 2015August 15, 2019

Aries It’s time to find a new outlet for your bottled rage, Aries. Regina George from “Mean Girls” cannot be your role model forever. Unless, of course, you want to join the women’s lacrosse team. That seemed to do wonders for her. Taurus Alright, we get it,......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 3, 2015August 15, 2019

November 3, 2015August 15, 2019

PHYLLIS T. CUPP Lampoonist Aries Your lack of outward emotion will work in your favor, Aries, as the 25th Annual Staring Contest is being held on Sunday. You will finish in third place. Taurus This week, your stress will consume you like you consumed Maria’s four times last......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 20, 2015August 18, 2019

October 20, 2015August 18, 2019

AMANDA DEDIE News Editor Capricorn If you’ve had a strong craving for nuts lately, you’re either turning into a squirrel or you’re just really horny. Get down to the C-store or Sunny’s, ASAP, and just — dare I say it? — go nuts! Aquarius It’s getting colder,......

Scallion

Horoscopes

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 13, 2015August 15, 2019

October 13, 2015August 15, 2019

THE FEVER Lampoonist Capricorn Capricorn? More like Capri-CORNY. You will be subjected to heavy doses of cheesy humor if you continue your regular routine. Switch it up to avoid persistent psyche-damaging humor. Aquarius Be wary of your surroundings, Aquarius. You will encounter many heartbroken friends and companions this......

Scallion

Horoscopes Week 6

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 1, 2015August 15, 2019

October 1, 2015August 15, 2019

PHYLLIS T. CUPP Lampoonist Capricorn It’s getting cold enough to retire your favorite pair of short shorts this week, Capricorn. The frilled hem wasn’t doing you any favors anyway. Aquarius If you get stir fry from the Williams Center, make sure you also buy a lot of water.......

Scallion

This week’s horoscope

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 25, 2015September 1, 2019

February 25, 2015September 1, 2019

MEL N. KOLICH Special to the Lampoon Aries: To forgive others one more time is to create one more blessing for yourself. This is a good week to message that ex or maybe call your parents. Try and remember that free will is an illusion and the decisions they made......

[POEM] Inheritance of Fate

[POEM] Ghosts

[POEM] Static Bathe Waves

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which pop culture moment are you?

Lucas West takes center field with national anthem performance on…

“A Sitdown With Brock” season premiere gets leaked

5th Quarter Column: Why Has it Become Harder to Watch…

Roommates release song on Valentine’s Day in support of domestic…

Nine minors to be removed from Fredonia curriculum

Ice, ice, maybe? The problem with Fredonia’s lack of salt…

[POEM] Inheritance of Fate

[POEM] Ghosts

[POEM] Static Bathe Waves

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which pop culture moment are you?

Lucas West takes center field with national anthem performance on…

“A Sitdown With Brock” season premiere gets leaked

5th Quarter Column: Why Has it Become Harder to Watch…

Roommates release song on Valentine’s Day in support of domestic…

Nine minors to be removed from Fredonia curriculum

Ice, ice, maybe? The problem with Fredonia’s lack of salt…

Horoscopes

Horoscopes

Fancy Horoscopes

Horoscopes

Horoscopes

Horoscopes

Horoscopes Week 6

This week’s horoscope