March 6, 2026
Featured

5th Quarter Column: McDermott fired after latest playoff heartbreak

5th Quarter Column: Rocky road leads Bills to Denver

5th Quarter Column: California Dreamin’

Printing points introduced for students, staff

5th Quarter Column: Allen regains MVP form with six scores

Fredonia’s hockey recruiting extends across the nation, world

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What dessert should you bring to your fall…

The ultimate cran-baby tier list

A girlfriend’s guide to watching your partner play video games

Lovercolumn: Expressions of Love

The Leader

Joe Biden

Scallion

[SATIRE] Biden moves to block Panama Canal in act of solidarity with Europe

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor It was announced on Thursday that President Biden is meeting with his cabinet about the plausibility of forcing a stop in the Panama Canal. Experts say it seems like this action is supposed to parallel the recent blocking of the Suez Canal, which recently wrapped up......
Read more
Scallion

[SATIRE] President Biden announces “Drugs are cool now!”

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesJOSEPH MARCINIAKScallion Editor At a press conference on Sunday, press secretary Jen Psaki was talking about nuclear weapon deals or something when the president made a surprise appearance. Reporters in the room say that he had a confused, jumbled look, and had some sort of white powder beneath his nose.......
Read more
Scallion

[SATIRE] Exclusive interview with the guy who has Hunter Biden’s laptop

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Guest Scallywag The Laptop that’s been the center of controversy for one week, which at the current pace of politics today is long gone dead news, has been brought to Fredonia where the world’s leading intellectuals could examine it’s contents. Conservatives talking heads have warned their viewers of......
Read more
Scallion

The Scallion reviews the 2020 Election: Wait, what the f*ck just happened?

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesJOSEPH MARCINIAKEditor of the Scallion After a tumultuous campaign, sources have called the 2020 election for Joseph R. Biden Jr., king of the crab people.  The lord of all crab people, Biden, gave a rousing speech where he said “All people are equal under the law, and you can go......
Read more
Opinion

Biden wins the battle for the presidency

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesCASEY HUBER Special to The Leader  Healing. Getting the virus under control to start the economy. Equality between all races. No more blue and red. One America. These are some of the talking points Joe Biden hit in his acceptance speech Saturday evening. Hopeful of unity, Biden continues to push......
Read more
Scallion

Hot damn, he was right: Joe Biden actually is a bunch of ferrets in a trench coat

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor As shocking as it is, one of Donald Trump’s conspiracy theories has been proven true.  Democratic candidate Joe Biden is not a man, but instead a hard-working group of ferrets imitating the former vice president.  This has come as a shock to the international community,......
Read more
Opinion

The questionable effectiveness of presidential debates

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesCASEY HUBER  Special to The Leader  Tens of millions of people watched the 2020 presidential debates. Why? What do the presidential debates actually do for anyone? Who is undecided a month before the election? Turns out, not that many people. An NBC News and Wall Street Journal poll shows 5......
Read more
Opinion

Trump v. Biden: Climate change

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesANNA GAGLIANO  Chief Copy Editor  As the election draws near, it’s not very likely that there are many people left undecided on who they’re going to vote for. That being said, comparing potential policies and promises of the two presidential candidates is still vital and necessary. One issue of great......
Read more
Scallion

Trump says Biden is a bunch of ferrets in a trench coat

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor Once again, Donald Trump has been convinced of an out-of-this-world conspiracy theory that he found on social media. In a recent flurry of tweets, the president makes it clear that he is under the impression that vice president Joe Biden, the 2020 democratic candidate, is......
Read more
Scallion

I swear to God, if there is even a touch of malarky I’ll give ya a beating you won’t soon forget

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesJOSEPH R. BIDEN Candidate for United States President and Guest Writer (Actually just Joseph Marciniak, Scallion Editor) Folks, this race is getting real serious. Dang nabit, I don’t have time to address all the issues. Well look, I’ve got some pretty strong opponents; they know what they’re doing. And the......
Read more

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. By clicking any link on this page, you are permitting us to set cookies. Accept Read More