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December 22, 2024
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The Leader

Joe Biden

Scallion

[SATIRE] President Biden announces “Drugs are cool now!”

Contributor to The Leader
JOSEPH MARCINIAKScallion Editor At a press conference on Sunday, press secretary Jen Psaki was talking about nuclear weapon deals or something when the president made a surprise appearance. Reporters in the room say that he had a confused, jumbled look, and had some sort of white powder beneath his nose.......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Exclusive interview with the guy who has Hunter Biden’s laptop

Contributor to The Leader
BRIAN CECALA Guest Scallywag The Laptop that’s been the center of controversy for one week, which at the current pace of politics today is long gone dead news, has been brought to Fredonia where the world’s leading intellectuals could examine it’s contents. Conservatives talking heads have warned their viewers of......
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Scallion

The Scallion reviews the 2020 Election: Wait, what the f*ck just happened?

Contributor to The Leader
JOSEPH MARCINIAKEditor of the Scallion After a tumultuous campaign, sources have called the 2020 election for Joseph R. Biden Jr., king of the crab people.  The lord of all crab people, Biden, gave a rousing speech where he said “All people are equal under the law, and you can go......
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Opinion

Biden wins the battle for the presidency

Contributor to The Leader
CASEY HUBER Special to The Leader  Healing. Getting the virus under control to start the economy. Equality between all races. No more blue and red. One America. These are some of the talking points Joe Biden hit in his acceptance speech Saturday evening. Hopeful of unity, Biden continues to push......
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Scallion

Hot damn, he was right: Joe Biden actually is a bunch of ferrets in a trench coat

Contributor to The Leader
MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor As shocking as it is, one of Donald Trump’s conspiracy theories has been proven true.  Democratic candidate Joe Biden is not a man, but instead a hard-working group of ferrets imitating the former vice president.  This has come as a shock to the international community,......
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Opinion

The questionable effectiveness of presidential debates

Contributor to The Leader
CASEY HUBER  Special to The Leader  Tens of millions of people watched the 2020 presidential debates. Why? What do the presidential debates actually do for anyone? Who is undecided a month before the election? Turns out, not that many people. An NBC News and Wall Street Journal poll shows 5......
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Opinion

Trump v. Biden: Climate change

Contributor to The Leader
ANNA GAGLIANO  Chief Copy Editor  As the election draws near, it’s not very likely that there are many people left undecided on who they’re going to vote for. That being said, comparing potential policies and promises of the two presidential candidates is still vital and necessary. One issue of great......
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Scallion

Trump says Biden is a bunch of ferrets in a trench coat

Contributor to The Leader
MATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor Once again, Donald Trump has been convinced of an out-of-this-world conspiracy theory that he found on social media. In a recent flurry of tweets, the president makes it clear that he is under the impression that vice president Joe Biden, the 2020 democratic candidate, is......
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Scallion

I swear to God, if there is even a touch of malarky I’ll give ya a beating you won’t soon forget

Contributor to The Leader
JOSEPH R. BIDEN Candidate for United States President and Guest Writer (Actually just Joseph Marciniak, Scallion Editor) Folks, this race is getting real serious. Dang nabit, I don’t have time to address all the issues. Well look, I’ve got some pretty strong opponents; they know what they’re doing. And the......
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