Satire

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What to get each sign

Abbie MillerJanuary 1, 2025January 1, 2025

January 1, 2025January 1, 2025

ABBIE MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Acceptor of Any and All Gifts It’s just about that time. As the snow blankets campus and I desperately try (and repeatedly fail) not to slip on the ice that covers the walkway to Fenton Hall, the holiday season is upon us. For some of us, that......

Scallion

[SATIRE] I hate Kia Souls

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 31, 2024December 31, 2024

December 31, 2024December 31, 2024

MEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor No, I do not want to see ya in a Kia. In fact, I do not want to see these cars parked, on the road, in a driveway or even in a demolition derby. I want to see the Soul in hell where it belongs. If......

Scallion

Ranking Politicians’ Merch

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 21, 2024November 21, 2024

November 21, 2024November 21, 2024

GEORGIA MORTILLARO Special to The Leader As we all very well know, fashion is one of the most important aspects of the political landscape. Just mere weeks from the Election Day itself, I’ll be rating the merchandise of the 2024 political candidates. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Designs: When you look......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes and it’s the same but I’m an alum so it’s different

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 14, 2024December 31, 2024

November 14, 2024December 31, 2024

JACE JACOBS Former Assistant Editor of The Scallion, “Adult” with a “Job” who “Has To Go To Work” What’s up Fredonians? I bet you thought you had seen the last of me, with my incredibly well-crafted, tear-stained Letter from the Desk Of and my gorgeous final horoscopes. WELL GUESS WHAT! ......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What Papa’s game are you?

Abbie MillerOctober 11, 2024January 1, 2025

October 11, 2024January 1, 2025

ABBIE MILLER Editor-in-Chief, absolute zombie Yes, I am back to give you your horoscopes. No, I haven’t slept since I wrote the last ones. I don’t know if it’s just me, but between my three papers and an exam that are all due at the end of this week, I......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which Starbucks fall menu item are you?

Drew PaluchSeptember 26, 2024December 31, 2024

September 26, 2024December 31, 2024

ABIGAIL MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Two-Star Comedian Yes, I added another star because The Leader staff told me I was being too hard on myself. Also, I made Scallion Editor Megan Kidby laugh so I’m still riding that wave. In other exciting news, Starbucks has officially released their fall menu. And who......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Meg’s Declassified School Survival Guide

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 23, 2024September 23, 2024

September 23, 2024September 23, 2024

MEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor What if I told you that I knew how to get through the horrors of college life? I know you don’t believe me. You’re probably saying “Megan…this is your fifth year of college, and you can’t even pass Music Theory III. How are you going to......

Scallion

NEW SCALLION ASSISTANT WANTED

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 8, 2024September 8, 2024

September 8, 2024September 8, 2024

MEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor In a groundbreaking upset, Jace Jacobs, the Assistant Scallion Editor for The Leader, has graduated. After this tragic loss of our previous assistant, the editorial board of The Leader has announced the search for a new writing assistant for its highly esteemed (read: barely tolerated) satire......

Scallion

[SATIRE] What Will Your Semester Look Like?

Contributor to The LeaderAugust 31, 2024August 30, 2024

August 31, 2024August 30, 2024

ABBIE MILLER Editor in Chief, 1-Star Comedian With a new school year comes a new horoscopes writer, I am sad to say. It is my only hope that my horoscopes will do justice to the previous Assistant Scallion Editor and former horoscopes column writer, Jace Jacobs. This change is the......

Scallion

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

Contributor to The LeaderMay 20, 2024May 20, 2024

May 20, 2024May 20, 2024

ABIGAIL JACOBSON Asst. News Editor Good day, ladies, gentlemen, non-binary people and, of course, the contestants of The Bachelor! I have some very, VERY exciting news to share with all of you, dear readers. As some of you may know, there was a recent event titled “The Bachelor,” which involved......

5th Quarter Column: Fifth Time’s a Charm?

Buffalo Bandits look to snatch third straight title

Why do gamers play games they hate?

Campus Life and Student Affairs unveil policy regulating on-campus assemblies

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What to get each sign

Holding space for the new Wicked movie: A review

[SATIRE] I hate Kia Souls

Why Dunkin’ Donuts is better than Tim Hortons, from the…

Apple Music vs. Spotify, coming from a person who has…

Abbie’s Thanksgiving food tier list

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What to get each sign

[SATIRE] I hate Kia Souls

Ranking Politicians’ Merch

[SATIRE] Horoscopes and it’s the same but I’m an alum so it’s different

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What Papa’s game are you?

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which Starbucks fall menu item are you?

[SATIRE] Meg’s Declassified School Survival Guide

NEW SCALLION ASSISTANT WANTED

[SATIRE] What Will Your Semester Look Like?

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst