March 6, 2026
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5th Quarter Column: McDermott fired after latest playoff heartbreak

5th Quarter Column: Rocky road leads Bills to Denver

5th Quarter Column: California Dreamin’

Printing points introduced for students, staff

5th Quarter Column: Allen regains MVP form with six scores

Fredonia’s hockey recruiting extends across the nation, world

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What dessert should you bring to your fall…

The ultimate cran-baby tier list

A girlfriend’s guide to watching your partner play video games

Lovercolumn: Expressions of Love

The Leader

Satire

Scallion

Horoscopes: The signs as Scallion articles

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: < 1 minuteHANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag Guess what everyone! This is my 10th time writing the horoscopes!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!!!!! In honor of this MOMENTOUS occasion, I have decided to read literally every Scallion article written in 2020 and choose one for each sign!!!!!!!!!! Isn’t that fun???????? Also it means I get to do......
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Scallion

Kayne can still win the election! Don’t give up!

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag You IDIOTS did it again, huh? You squandered the election to some idiots. The two party system fails the will of the people. Polls showed that over 90 percent of Americans wanted Kanye West for the presidency. Before you fake-news fans say it — yes, that......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Ranking the Supreme Court’s fashion sense

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 4 minutesJAY BYRONGuest Scallywag Uh oh! Fashion police! You read the title. Buckle up, fashionistas. We are going hard today on these current Supreme Court members to do the judging they need done for them. For the purposes of this article, I will pretend not to really know them well. Everyone’s......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Exclusive interview with the guy who has Hunter Biden’s laptop

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Guest Scallywag The Laptop that’s been the center of controversy for one week, which at the current pace of politics today is long gone dead news, has been brought to Fredonia where the world’s leading intellectuals could examine it’s contents. Conservatives talking heads have warned their viewers of......
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Scallion

Rating how much I want to hold the hands of the Willy C’s screen silhouettes

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 4 minutesJAY BYRONGuest Scallywag You know as well as I do how good hand-holding is, unless you’ve never held anyone’s hand. You live a sad life. I would offer my hand, but it’s COVID-19 time and I don’t really wanna touch you. I also don’t know who you are. Hand-holding is......
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Scallion

We gamers are SICK of politics in our entertainment

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesBRIAN CECALA Guest Scallywag What’s up gamers! It’s me, ya boy FazeSmoothie, here back at ya for another hot take. STOP PUTTING POLITICS INTO OUR ENTERTAINMENT. Sheesh, I’m trying to relax over here. It all started when my favorite war game, Kill Gun, came out with a sequel, Kill Gun......
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Scallion

Hot damn, he was right: Joe Biden actually is a bunch of ferrets in a trench coat

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMATTHEW BAUM Assistant Scallion Editor As shocking as it is, one of Donald Trump’s conspiracy theories has been proven true.  Democratic candidate Joe Biden is not a man, but instead a hard-working group of ferrets imitating the former vice president.  This has come as a shock to the international community,......
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