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July 2, 2024
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From the Desk of Chloe Kowalyk: Editor in Chief

From the Desk of EJ Jacobs: Life & Arts Editor

From the Desk of Jace Jacobs: Asst. Scallion Editor

From the Desk of Nicole Thorson: Art Director

From the Desk of Henry Domst: Design Editor

From the Desk of Sierra Mills: Chief Copy Editor

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

[OPINION] What COVID-19 inadvertently taught us

ITS unveils stratigic plan for technology

Dr. Kathryn Kendall takes on enrollment

The Leader

Satire

Scallion

[SATIRE] SUNY Unveils Bold New Strategy to Prepare Students for the Real World

Contributor to The Leader
MEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor In a stunning move that has left students scratching their heads and faculty members questioning their life choices, SUNY has announced a revolutionary plan to overhaul its educational system.  Brace yourselves, folks, because SUNY is cutting all programs, effectively transforming itself into a “Program-Free Zone.” In......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] My apologies … (not clickbait)

Contributor to The Leader
MEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor *sigh* I’ve made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment. On November 23, I made a horrible mistake.  At around 2:30 p.m. EST, my grandfather entrusted me with the most sacred part of a white person’s Thanksgiving: the macaroni and cheese.  Unlike Colleen Ballinger, I......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] What 2024 presidential candidate will win in the race? (the 100m dash)

Contributor to The Leader
HUNTER HALTERMAN Track Star* Contrary to popular belief, presidential candidates should not be judged on how well they can run our country. Instead, they should be judged on how well they can run a 100-meter dash.  It is 100 meters of not just sprinting, but also courage, determination and willpower.......
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