Satire

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What Papa’s game are you?

Abbie MillerOctober 11, 2024January 1, 2025

October 11, 2024January 1, 2025

ABBIE MILLER Editor-in-Chief, absolute zombie Yes, I am back to give you your horoscopes. No, I haven’t slept since I wrote the last ones. I don’t know if it’s just me, but between my three papers and an exam that are all due at the end of this week, I......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which Starbucks fall menu item are you?

Drew PaluchSeptember 26, 2024December 31, 2024

September 26, 2024December 31, 2024

ABIGAIL MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Two-Star Comedian Yes, I added another star because The Leader staff told me I was being too hard on myself. Also, I made Scallion Editor Megan Kidby laugh so I’m still riding that wave. In other exciting news, Starbucks has officially released their fall menu. And who......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Meg’s Declassified School Survival Guide

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 23, 2024September 23, 2024

September 23, 2024September 23, 2024

MEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor What if I told you that I knew how to get through the horrors of college life? I know you don’t believe me. You’re probably saying “Megan…this is your fifth year of college, and you can’t even pass Music Theory III. How are you going to......

Scallion

NEW SCALLION ASSISTANT WANTED

Contributor to The LeaderSeptember 8, 2024September 8, 2024

September 8, 2024September 8, 2024

MEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor In a groundbreaking upset, Jace Jacobs, the Assistant Scallion Editor for The Leader, has graduated. After this tragic loss of our previous assistant, the editorial board of The Leader has announced the search for a new writing assistant for its highly esteemed (read: barely tolerated) satire......

Scallion

[SATIRE] What Will Your Semester Look Like?

Contributor to The LeaderAugust 31, 2024August 30, 2024

August 31, 2024August 30, 2024

ABBIE MILLER Editor in Chief, 1-Star Comedian With a new school year comes a new horoscopes writer, I am sad to say. It is my only hope that my horoscopes will do justice to the previous Assistant Scallion Editor and former horoscopes column writer, Jace Jacobs. This change is the......

Scallion

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

Contributor to The LeaderMay 20, 2024May 20, 2024

May 20, 2024May 20, 2024

ABIGAIL JACOBSON Asst. News Editor Good day, ladies, gentlemen, non-binary people and, of course, the contestants of The Bachelor! I have some very, VERY exciting news to share with all of you, dear readers. As some of you may know, there was a recent event titled “The Bachelor,” which involved......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Life lessons from the signs

Contributor to The LeaderMay 13, 2024May 9, 2024

May 13, 2024May 9, 2024

JACE JACOBS Assistant Editor of The Scallion, Senior! Graduating! Woohoo! My dearest Fredheads, I regret to inform you all that this will be the last time you’ll read my wonderful, beautiful, incredibly accurate, always hilarious horoscopes. Although I am overjoyed to be leaving America’s favorite dog food town, I am......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What the last month of the semester has in store for the signs

Contributor to The LeaderApril 26, 2024April 23, 2024

April 26, 2024April 23, 2024

JACE JACOBS Assistant Editor of The Scallion, Thrilled To Be Here Happy final stretch my loves! I don’t know about you all but I’m starting to hit a wall, so I’m looking to the stars to give us all some guidance on how to get through the end of the......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Highlighting the Feminist Men of Media: Andrew Tate and Elon Musk

Contributor to The LeaderApril 13, 2024April 21, 2024

April 13, 2024April 21, 2024

MEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor In honor of this special issue, I wanted to highlight some quotes from the most amazing men … Elon Musk and Andrew Tate. These beautiful men have really paved the way for strong and powerful females like me. Once, I was just a self-conscious girl and......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Moments of womanhood aligned with the signs

Contributor to The LeaderApril 12, 2024April 9, 2024

April 12, 2024April 9, 2024

JACE JACOBSAssistant Editor of The Scallion ABIGAIL MILLER Managing Editor Hello Fredonians and a very happy Woman Issue to all who celebrate (guys please don’t hate me for calling it that, it’s literally what our Editor in Chief called it)! For some context, I am a transgender man, so although......

Theater kids are taking over Fredonia

Rating every 2025 Oscar award-winning movie

President Trump signs orders dismantling eight departments

[SATIRE] Fear and Loathing in Talladega: A Journey to Beer-Soaked…

[SCALLION/NEWS] Campus bus leaves students traumatized

[SATIRE/NEWS] Police Notters

Executive Vice President and Provost Dr. David Starrett abruptly leaves…

[SATIRE] Abigail Jacobson, news editor, cancels news

[SCALLION/SPORTS] Volz enlisted to help suffering Sabres

[SCALLION/NEWS] All hail the new era: The Scallion has taken…

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What Papa’s game are you?

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which Starbucks fall menu item are you?

[SATIRE] Meg’s Declassified School Survival Guide

NEW SCALLION ASSISTANT WANTED

[SATIRE] What Will Your Semester Look Like?

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Life lessons from the signs

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What the last month of the semester has in store for the signs

[SATIRE] Highlighting the Feminist Men of Media: Andrew Tate and Elon Musk

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Moments of womanhood aligned with the signs