[SATIRE] Fear and Loathing in Talladega: A Journey to Beer-Soaked Destruction
Reading Time: 5 minutesTalladega is America at its most distilled, its most unhinged, its most beautiful. No one leaves this place unchanged....
Satire
[SCALLION/NEWS] Campus bus leaves students traumatized
Reading Time: 3 minutesALEX BUCKNAM Asst. News Editor The Fredonia campus bus has officially left four students traumatized during their nightly travels. Since the creation of the Campus and Community Bus in 1973, there have always been stories of students being forgotten at places. But no stories could prepare four students for what......
[SATIRE/NEWS] Police Notters
Reading Time: 2 minutesUNIVERSITY POLICE DEPARTMENT SUNY Fredonia The Police Notters, run and shared with The Leader by the University Police Department (UPD), aims to provide information to students, faculty and the community at and around SUNY Fredonia. All information provided is not true and is satire. The Police Notters will not continue......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: How did you spend your Valentine’s Day?
Reading Time: 4 minutesABBIE MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Hopeful Romantic In my opinion, Valentine’s Day is the one holiday that is as universally hated as it is loved. Those who do not have a romantic partner are left hating those who do and those who do are left too blissfully unaware of their surroundings to......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which New Year’s resolution is right for you?
Reading Time: 3 minutesABBIE MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Reluctant Gemini As we head into the second month of the new year, the resolutions that we were so sure we would stick to start to fade from memory. The ball drop appears to have had the same effect as the neuralyzer in the “Men in Black”......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What to get each sign
Reading Time: 4 minutesABBIE MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Acceptor of Any and All Gifts It’s just about that time. As the snow blankets campus and I desperately try (and repeatedly fail) not to slip on the ice that covers the walkway to Fenton Hall, the holiday season is upon us. For some of us, that......
[SATIRE] I hate Kia Souls
Reading Time: 3 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor No, I do not want to see ya in a Kia. In fact, I do not want to see these cars parked, on the road, in a driveway or even in a demolition derby. I want to see the Soul in hell where it belongs. If......
Ranking Politicians’ Merch
Reading Time: 4 minutesGEORGIA MORTILLARO Special to The Leader As we all very well know, fashion is one of the most important aspects of the political landscape. Just mere weeks from the Election Day itself, I’ll be rating the merchandise of the 2024 political candidates. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Designs: When you look......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes and it’s the same but I’m an alum so it’s different
Reading Time: 4 minutesJACE JACOBS Former Assistant Editor of The Scallion, “Adult” with a “Job” who “Has To Go To Work” What’s up Fredonians? I bet you thought you had seen the last of me, with my incredibly well-crafted, tear-stained Letter from the Desk Of and my gorgeous final horoscopes. WELL GUESS WHAT! ......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What Papa’s game are you?
Reading Time: 3 minutesABBIE MILLER Editor-in-Chief, absolute zombie Yes, I am back to give you your horoscopes. No, I haven’t slept since I wrote the last ones. I don’t know if it’s just me, but between my three papers and an exam that are all due at the end of this week, I......