March 6, 2026
Featured

5th Quarter Column: McDermott fired after latest playoff heartbreak

5th Quarter Column: Rocky road leads Bills to Denver

5th Quarter Column: California Dreamin’

Printing points introduced for students, staff

5th Quarter Column: Allen regains MVP form with six scores

Fredonia’s hockey recruiting extends across the nation, world

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What dessert should you bring to your fall…

The ultimate cran-baby tier list

A girlfriend’s guide to watching your partner play video games

Lovercolumn: Expressions of Love

The Leader

Satire

Scallion

[SATIRE] SUNY Unveils Bold New Strategy to Prepare Students for the Real World

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor In a stunning move that has left students scratching their heads and faculty members questioning their life choices, SUNY has announced a revolutionary plan to overhaul its educational system.  Brace yourselves, folks, because SUNY is cutting all programs, effectively transforming itself into a “Program-Free Zone.” In......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] My apologies … (not clickbait)

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor *sigh* I’ve made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment. On November 23, I made a horrible mistake.  At around 2:30 p.m. EST, my grandfather entrusted me with the most sacred part of a white person’s Thanksgiving: the macaroni and cheese.  Unlike Colleen Ballinger, I......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Who will be the next U.S. Senator?

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor Ding dong, Dianne Feinstein is dead! Dianne Feinstein, the 90-year-old former senator, passed away on Sept. 23, 2023 and people fought for her spot on the Senate. Even though Laphonza Butler acquired the spot, she does not intend to permanently fill it.  Thus, an opportunity arises. ......
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QuizScallion

[SATIRE] Quiz: Which nostalgic computer game are you?

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor I’m gonna be honest with y’all, I’ve been really sad recently.  Sh*t just happens and you feel like you’re not slaying the haus down boots queen wig like you really want to.  When that happens, I play Wizard 101.  What game should you play?  Take this......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What skeleton are you?

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: < 1 minuteJACE JACOBSAssistant Editor of The Scallion, Amateur Skeleton Wrangler  Happy spooky season Fredheads (I know spooky season is an outdated phrase but I’m allowed to use it, I keep my Halloween decorations up year-round so you can’t judge me)!  I have discovered a recent passion of mine, and that is......
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Scallion

[SATIRE]: Lauren Boebert … Maybe don’t do that.

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor and Theater Nerd Hey Girly Pop! I’m so happy you decided to either randomly pick up this student-run newspaper from a state you’re not even in or search “Lauren Boebert Leader” on Google only to find this! I wanted to reach out and ask about your......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] What 2024 presidential candidate will win in the race? (the 100m dash)

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 5 minutesHUNTER HALTERMAN Track Star* Contrary to popular belief, presidential candidates should not be judged on how well they can run our country. Instead, they should be judged on how well they can run a 100-meter dash.  It is 100 meters of not just sprinting, but also courage, determination and willpower.......
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