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Fredonia NY
January 10, 2025
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The Leader

Satire

Scallion

[SATIRE] “We were just kidding,” says billions of missing snow crabs

Contributor to The Leader
MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor As it turns out, crabs have a tremendous sense of humor.  Last week, reports had shown that there was a shortage of over two billion Alaskan snow crabs when compared to expected numbers based on population projections. Be it a sign of overfishing, a devastating loss......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Chris Pine announces MasterClass on managing the most obnoxious people you know

Contributor to The Leader
MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor Chris Pine, the celebrated actor featured in the newest Olivia Wilde film “Don’t Worry Darling” has just announced that he is teaming up with MasterClass to teach subscribers how to avoid wasting one’s time with the most miserable people on the planet.  Pop culture experts believe......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] What’s that, Fredonia?

Contributor to The Leader
What’s your problem? Like, seriously! What’s wrong with you?  MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor This year at SUNY Fredonia, there’s something different about the atmosphere on campus. Namely, everyone seems super stressed and put-down between classes. I, Matthew Baum, took to the streets, eager to seek out just what the major......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] You know, I think we need to replace the Bird scooters with horses

Contributor to The Leader
JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag You heard me. Well, okay, hear me out. I have so many reasons. In fact, I’m gonna list ‘em right off for you because I know my idea would work out better than these other trifling chump transportation devices. 1. Horses are good for the environment. While......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Heartwarming: Fredonia student remembers to call their parents for their birthday

Contributor to The Leader
MATTHEW BAUMScallion Editor Haha, sike!Here’s the deal. When I came up with this article idea, I was thinking, “Oh, this is such a funny idea, what a low bar!”Ironically, I forgot last week that it was, actually, literally, my mother’s birthday. I did not call her. I didn’t even mail......
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