October 22, 2026
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Student Media, Cornell Incident

LOVERCOLUMN: Legendary Lovers

World leaders address war, conflicts at UN General Assembly

Issues of Sports Gambling

From Fredonia to New Mexico?  

A playlist for each mood: Yearning  

‘Tis the season to be spooky!

Athletes still fighting

Police Notter

The Leader

Satire

Scallion

[SATIRE] America…I am NOT Dating Jace Jacobs

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor Dear devoted readers, As a humble reporter, I never thought I’d be thrust into the limelight of love, scandal and the unpredictable world of reality television.  Alas, here I am, penning a response to the utterly absurd rumors circulating about my alleged romance with a certain......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] The grave of the Pedro Pastall

Abigail Jacobson
Reading Time: 2 minutesABIGAIL JACOBSON  Asst. News Editor  ATTENTION! I SAID ATTENTION! According to multiple sources across campus, the Pedro Pascal shrine, AKA the Pedro Pastall, has been reportedly taken down. By whom, you may ask? BY PEDRO PASCAL’S HATERS! Those scoundrels.  How dare they take down the shrine I go and pray......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] SUNY Unveils Bold New Strategy to Prepare Students for the Real World

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor In a stunning move that has left students scratching their heads and faculty members questioning their life choices, SUNY has announced a revolutionary plan to overhaul its educational system.  Brace yourselves, folks, because SUNY is cutting all programs, effectively transforming itself into a “Program-Free Zone.” In......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] My apologies … (not clickbait)

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor *sigh* I’ve made a severe and continuous lapse in my judgment. On November 23, I made a horrible mistake.  At around 2:30 p.m. EST, my grandfather entrusted me with the most sacred part of a white person’s Thanksgiving: the macaroni and cheese.  Unlike Colleen Ballinger, I......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Who will be the next U.S. Senator?

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor Ding dong, Dianne Feinstein is dead! Dianne Feinstein, the 90-year-old former senator, passed away on Sept. 23, 2023 and people fought for her spot on the Senate. Even though Laphonza Butler acquired the spot, she does not intend to permanently fill it.  Thus, an opportunity arises. ......
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QuizScallion

[SATIRE] Quiz: Which nostalgic computer game are you?

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 3 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor I’m gonna be honest with y’all, I’ve been really sad recently.  Sh*t just happens and you feel like you’re not slaying the haus down boots queen wig like you really want to.  When that happens, I play Wizard 101.  What game should you play?  Take this......
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