Satire

[SATIRE] Top 6 things you can do to help Ukraine

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 11, 2022March 9, 2022

March 11, 2022March 9, 2022

BRIAN CECALA Staff Scallywag You’re looking on the news and you’re watching TikTok when you see the horrific footage of war and death taking place in Ukraine. You feel helpless and despondent. The more you look around the more the world reminds you that we are little people with no......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Spring break edition

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 9, 2022March 9, 2022

March 9, 2022March 9, 2022

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hello, my friends! I’m bringing to you some advice to each sign about what to do over spring break — if you have no plans, of course. Aries: Set fires in Mason while no one’s there. (DON’T DO THIS. THIS IS SATIRE.) Taurus: Go home and learn......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Red flags

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 4, 2022March 4, 2022

March 4, 2022March 4, 2022

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag Hey, Horoscope fiends. I got what everyone’s been looking forward to this week: THE RED FLAGS OF EACH SIGN! Aries: You don’t clean your emotional support water bottle as often as you should. However, you think that the crusty dusty elements of an unclean emotional support water......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Students advocate for global warming in response to unreasonable winter weather

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 26, 2022February 27, 2022

February 26, 2022February 27, 2022

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag (This article is written for comedic purposes. For factual information on global warming, visit Fredonia’s Climate Education Initiative website: fredonia.edu/about/offices/climate-education-initiative/climate-facts.) Going to Fredonia, you were probably already aware that the weather was gonna be quite the treat. We all knew that snow was a big thing to......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Guys, I haven’t gotten COVID-19 yet, and I feel left out >:(

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 25, 2022February 25, 2022

February 25, 2022February 25, 2022

BRIAN CECALA Scallywag Hey guys, It’s ya boy Brian, local popular writer for the Scallion. It’s been hard these past few years with COVID-19 because everyone keeps getting it, and I haven’t yet! Everyone gets to post fun little stories on their Facebook and cute quarantine photos but not me!......

Scallion

Comic: Snow Shoveling Sabotage

Contributor to The LeaderFebruary 14, 2022February 14, 2022

February 14, 2022February 14, 2022

Created by NICOLE THORSON...

Scallion

[SATIRE] These are my thoughts and you’re going to read them

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 12, 2021December 13, 2021

December 12, 2021December 13, 2021

JAY BYRONStaff Scallywag So, the Scallion, huh? Isn’t it fun? A little silly? Whatever. Anyway, point is, I’m writing some stuff and I don’t care what you think because I’m a little punk. Chicken Fingers. They’re a bit tasty, but you absolutely have to get them from the right place.......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What leftover candy gives off the same vibe as your sign?

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 15, 2021November 15, 2021

November 15, 2021November 15, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Editor of the Scallion and Confectionery Connoisseur Aries: You give off big Milky Way energy. You have a tendency to approach things in your life very head-on, and that’s fine, but some will be taken aback by your straightforwardness. Taurus: Alright, now this is interesting! You’re off the......

Scallion

[SATIRE] Join the Scallion, you cowards

Contributor to The LeaderOctober 11, 2021October 11, 2021

October 11, 2021October 11, 2021

MATTHEW BAUM Scallion Editor Hey. HEY. Listen up, I’m only gonna type this once: Write. For. The. Scallion. There is nothing better than taking 45 minutes or less out of your week to write a silly little article that you make up out of thin air for the college newspaper.......

Scallion

Totally true story of the “FRED” sign

Jules HoeptingSeptember 10, 2021September 9, 2021

September 10, 2021September 9, 2021

JULES HOEPTING Managing Editor This is the satire section of the paper, but everything I am about to tell you is totally true — not exaggerated at all. Really. As one of the head editors, I deemed this topic too comical to put in any other section. All summer, I......

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Campus Life and Student Affairs unveil policy regulating on-campus assemblies

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What to get each sign

Holding space for the new Wicked movie: A review

[SATIRE] I hate Kia Souls

Why Dunkin’ Donuts is better than Tim Hortons, from the…

Apple Music vs. Spotify, coming from a person who has…

Abbie’s Thanksgiving food tier list

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: How do you rank?

[SATIRE] Top 6 things you can do to help Ukraine

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Spring break edition

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Red flags

[SATIRE] Students advocate for global warming in response to unreasonable winter weather

[SATIRE] Guys, I haven’t gotten COVID-19 yet, and I feel left out >:(

Comic: Snow Shoveling Sabotage

[SATIRE] These are my thoughts and you’re going to read them

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What leftover candy gives off the same vibe as your sign?

[SATIRE] Join the Scallion, you cowards

Totally true story of the “FRED” sign