March 6, 2026
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The Leader

the bachelor

Scallion

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesABIGAIL JACOBSON Asst. News Editor Good day, ladies, gentlemen, non-binary people and, of course, the contestants of The Bachelor!  I have some very, VERY exciting news to share with all of you, dear readers. As some of you may know, there was a recent event titled “The Bachelor,” which involved......
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Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Why your sign should sign up for The Bachelor

Contributor to The Leader
Reading Time: 2 minutesFACE FACOBSNew Assistant Editor of The Scallion, Jace’s Replacement Hello everyone! My name is Face Facobs and I am Jace Jacobs’ official replacement! In light of his horoscopes being too long, he has been fired, and I have replaced him. Although we’ve never met, I’ve decided to throw my predecessor......
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