JOSEPH MARCINIAK
Guest Scallywag
At Fredonia, there are over 180 different clubs a student can get involved in. These clubs range drastically, from Chess Club, to the Interactive Theatre Society, to Chemistry Club.
With Activities Night almost two weeks in the past, many freshmen are already getting a footing on the new semester. One freshman, Molly Carmichael, has already become the president of four different clubs.
“My mom always said I was ambitious,” Molly said. “I just love power, ya know?”
Molly is involved in 34 different clubs and has built her way to the secretary position of 14 of these clubs, treasurer position of six and vice president position of nine.
“I’m already president of four clubs. That’s the Strudel Connoisseurs Club, the Seinfeld Reruns Club, the Definitely Not a Made Up Club Club and, my personal favorite, the Everyone Stands In a Room and Yells “HEY” Club (ESIRYH).”
She earned the title of president of the ESIRYH Club when she walked into the room and already yelled “HEY” before the standing president could explain to the new freshman what the club was about. He was immediately impeached and replaced.
“It was the greatest sight I ever saw,” impeached president Louis Grandlemeister told reporters. Grandlemeister is happier than he’s ever been and gladly handed his position over to Carmichael.
Other club presidents were not so thrilled to be handing their positions over to the excited freshman, however. Jill Buckshank, former president of the Seinfeld Reruns club, has already started a rival club, known as the “Seinfeld Reruns Club But Molly Carmichael is Not the President Club (Name Pending).”
Carmichael became president after arriving at the first meeting and doing a spot on Jerry Seinfeld impression.
“She just walked in and kept asking me where Kramer was,” freshman member Laurence Crooglesnatch told reporters. “I’ve never actually seen Seinfeld, but I could already tell she was the best.”
President Virginia Horvath recently was quoted saying, “Honestly, I’m like three days away from just resigning and giving her my job at this point.”
Fredonia is expecting great things from Carmichael and can’t wait to see what her next move may be.