BRIAN CECALA
Staff Scallywag
I did an oopsie guys. The article I posted about things in Fredonia that would kill Prince Philip went up on April 8.
The following day he died of unknown circumstances.
The legal statement from the Scallion says this is strictly coincidental, and the article did NOT kill the Prince. Thoughts and prayers go out to the Royal Family.
Is it possible that I killed him? My lawyers and the editors at the Scallion say that it is not. BUT I think it’s entirely possible. Also, hello editors, I don’t believe this joke will make it in the final edit, but thanks for being radical fellas.
So from the bottom of my heart,
Sorry, I didn’t mean to kill Prince Philip 🙁
Apologizing is not a legal confession of guilt.
Brian Cecala, Staff Scallywag
So there, I apologized. What else do you guys want from me?
Next time I write about things that may or may not kill people, I’ll choose my targets more carefully. Here are some ideas for future articles:
Top 10 things that could destroy Kim Jong-Un
Top 5 things that would infect Jared Fogle with a life-ending virus
Seven situations that could make PaulyPauly123 (my internet bully) hospitalized for months
Six stinky socks that would smell stupendously smelly for Sarah Silverman
That is, I would write these articles if I don’t get kicked off the writing team.
For now, see ya later Cecalaheads.