JAY BYRON
Staff Scallywag
Welcome to your favorite article of the week, Horoscopes! In this edition, I decide which Fredonia activity you should partake in this week.
Aries: Email the head of your department and tell them what a fantastic job they’re doing in long, convoluted essay format.
Taurus: Reminisce Tim Hortons and host a funeral for its passing.
Gemini: Invade Domus Fare with your entire friend group and be really annoying, but leave a huge tip for the server(s) you know and love.
Cancer: Order crab rangoons from your place of choice!! They’re sooooooooooooo good.
Leo: Write an article for the Scallion, because you’re reeeeeeally funny and have a lot of silly little thoughts, hehehehehe. 🙂
Virgo: Get out of your comfort zone! Idk, go to the Williams Center and see what’s new about the “game room” they have. You don’t have to do anything with it, just like, look around and decide how you feel. Sure, I guess.
Libra: Go to Willy’s, stay there until they close, and make the workers suffer because you won’t leave. That’s a joke, please leave before they close.
Scorpio: Basketball courts! Basketball courts! Basketball courts! Shoot hoops with your friends! You’re such an athlete.
Sagittarius: Lick the outside of Grissom Hall. (Haha, don’t actually do this because that’s sooooo unsafe and unsanitary. But if you do by accident, record it and send the video to byro3576@fredonia.edu)
Capricorn: Go to the creek with some friends and enjoy yourselves… safely.
Aquarius: FINALLY, and TRULY, solve the Thompson Hall mystery.
Pisces: Host an unofficial campus tour so you can establish yourself as the one and only Fredonia royal.