ABIGAIL JACOBSON
Asst. News Editor
ATTENTION! I SAID ATTENTION!
According to multiple sources across campus, the Pedro Pascal shrine, AKA the Pedro Pastall, has been reportedly taken down.
By whom, you may ask?
BY PEDRO PASCAL’S HATERS!
Those scoundrels.
How dare they take down the shrine I go and pray to every day?
The shrine that cures my depression?! The shrine that makes my frown turn upside down?!?
Enough!
I can not talk about this anymore. My heart hurts too much.
Please someone ease my pain by putting this shrine back up… I beg of you.
I must not be the only one who cares about the shrine.
I took to the very anonymous and horrendous app called YikYak, where I wanted to see who cared.
I decided the best way to get my answers would be to do a survey. The question I asked was; “Who would want to see the pedro pascal shrine back up in Fenton Hall????”
With a total of 95 votes from the survey, 83 reasonable people voted “HELL YEAH” while 12 Pedro Pascal haters voted “ew no.”
83 votes. 87% voted “HELL YEAH.”
This is astonishing. I’m so very thankful to see I am not the only one. (To the 10 of you who didn’t vote, I shall take your silence as a “HELL YEAH”).
We have previously brought the Pedro Pastall shrine back to life. We must do it again.
To bring our beloved shrine back to life, we must come together as one. I want that. The shrine would want that.
As of now, an obituary has been written to remember this shrine. The obituary is attached below:
It is with great sadness that the Pedro Pascal shrine, known as the Pedro Pastall by its followers, has left this world.
The Pedro Pascal shrine, who lived in the Fenton Hall women’s first floor bathroom, was only a few months old when its life was stripped from that cold, hard, beige bathroom stall door.
The cause of this shrine’s passing was from those who hated it. Those who sought out to hurt the people who cherished this shrine.
This shrine is survived by those who cherished it, those who loved it.
It brought love, happiness, a newfound religion and most importantly, sexiness.
We all must gather together, be one with each other, in this hard time.
Be there for one another, support one another and love one another.
That bathroom stall door shall always be remembered as the place THE Pedro Pascal shrine was once taped to it.
The Pedro Pastall shall remain in our hearts forever.
What a beautiful obituary. For real, I’m actually crying.
Whoever wrote this obituary, who seems pretty dope, put their heart and soul into this.
Like they said, let us come together and remember Pedro Pastall for all of eternity (and to bring it back to life).
To Pedro Pastall, we miss you dearly and hope you are slaying up in shrine heaven.