The Leader
Scallion

[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What Leader executive board member are you?

ABBIE MILLER 

Editor-in-Chief, All-Knowing Zodiac Specialist 

In all my days as The Leader’s resident zodiac expert (it’s only been a semester and a half), I’ve collected quite the knowledge on the traits of each horoscope sign. 

And as The Leader’s Editor-in-Chief, I possess perhaps too much understanding of the ins and outs of its executive board.

This is exactly why I’ve decided to embrace my wealth of intelligence for the greater good by matching your horoscope with the executive board member of The Leader that fits you best. 

No need to fret, I made sure that the signs each member was assigned to differ from the horoscopes of their actual birthdays. I may be efficient but I am not a cheater. 

P.S. I know you’re wondering where I’d rank myself on this list. But the truth is that I actually embody all of these positive qualities. That’s right, the leader of The Leader likes to think that she works to emphasize and mirror each executive board member’s strengths. 

Aries

Dan Quagliana 

Affectionately referred to as Q, Q-tip and Quaggy, The Leader’s Managing Editor has qualities ranging from bravery to resourcefulness. While some may be intimidated by your competitive nature and quick wit, you channel these facets in ways that inspire others to see the best in themselves. 

Taurus

Becca Torncello

As The Leader’s Sports Photographer, Becca Torncello reflects Taurus’ penchant for creativity. You are solid and dependable, characteristics that are made even more valuable due to our ever-changing world. 

Gemini

Megan Kidby

Expressivity, versatility and sociability are traits that are as indicative of The Leader’s Scallion Editor as they are of all Geminis. And seldom will you find an individual who is not either to be as bright and down to earth.

Cancer

Matt Volz

Understanding and thoughtful — two words that describe both Sports Editor Matt Volz and Cancers. The very sentimentality that some may be intimidated by is common procedure by the man and this sign, both of which tend to downplay the strength that this vulnerability holds. 

Leo

Mia Ciechalski

While a newer addition to The Leader’s executive board, this Life & Arts Editor’s presence is always noted. Leos share the self-assured nature that immediately made Mia a vital member of The Leader and which proved that a dramatic flair always has a place in media. 

Virgo

Ryan Quigley

It takes a special person to be able to build something from the ground up. The Leader’s Business Manager, and all Virgos, have proven they have what it takes. Determined, analytical and practical, you have all the skills you need to make your own path for success. 

Libra

Elmer Ploetz 

Currently the longest-standing Leader member to date, this advisor knows everything that it takes to keep an organization running efficiently and with style. Your reliability and communication make you beloved among all those you interact with, as you use your expertise to ease the worries of the less knowledgeable. 

Scorpio

Makayla Mohrman

Similar to The Leader’s Social Media Manager, it may surprise Scorpios to know just what a gem they are. You are resourceful and passionate to your very core, both qualities which inspire those around you to achieve their goals and to do so with the very grace you present. 

Sagittarius

Abby Jacobson

It’s no surprise that you are considered by many to be the comedic relief of your inner circle. Ambitious and level-headed, this is something your sign shares with The Leader’s News Editor, who is constantly able to evoke laughter when the time is right and get things done when need be. 

Capricorn

Giulianna Lalomio 

Chief Copy Editor of The Leader, Giulianna Lalomio represents Capricorns in that she is independent, tenacious and disciplined. Your seriousness and ambition make you a great addition to any team, including one as sometimes demanding as The Leader. 

Aquarius

Sebastian Montalban

The imagination and originality of Community Relations Coordinator Sebastian Montalban is something that many strive for but few are able to say they truly embody. Aquarians, you have an uncompromising nature that makes your values concrete and your compassion known. 

Pisces

Drew Paluch

You hold all of the characteristics of The Leader’s Photo Editor — kind, hardworking and determined. Pisces, like Drew Paluch, are incredibly understanding and emotionally intelligent, always knowing how to bring the perfect mix of empathy and resilience to every project you touch. 

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