HANNAH BLIDY
Guest Scallywag
Recently, mainstream news sources like CNN, The New York Times and NBC have been covering the Democratic primary results as they come in. Every state has a different primary date. For example, the New York Democratic primary is April 28. At the end of the primaries, at the Democratic National Convention, the Democratic presidential nominee is chosen.
Usually, the DNC chooses one candidate. This year, however, things might be changing.
Currently, the Democratic front runner is Senator Bernie Sanders. But, since the DNC is only pretending to be progressive, they want to instead nominate Elizabeth Warren, Pete Buttigieg and Joe Biden for the Democratic presidential nominee.
[RELATED: Sanders takes lead as Democratic frontrunner]
You might be thinking, “What? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Why not just pick the person who is actually winning?” And you’re right. It is stupid.
How this stupid, dumb and bad idea would work is each candidate would be the president for four months at a time. So, from Jan. 1 to April 30, Biden would be president. Then, from May 1 to Aug. 31, Buttigieg would be president. Finally, from Sept. 1 until Dec. 31, Warren would be president. This is the order because it’s alphabetical, my sources tell me. Is that not idiotic?
Instead of — I don’t know — making sense, the DNC is choosing this ridiculous form of presidency for a creepy man that smells young girls hair, a republican of 40 years who claimed to be Native American when she isn’t and a man who killed innocent brown kids in Afghanistan. That’s definitely better than a man who has been fighting for the rights of the people for his entire life.