[SATIRE] Local Scallion Editor runs out of ideas
In a shocking turn of events that has rocked The Leader’s satire section to its very core, Editor Megan Kidby has officially run out of ideas. ...
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: How did you spend your Valentine’s Day?
ABBIE MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Hopeful Romantic In my opinion, Valentine’s Day is the one holiday that is as universally hated as it is loved. Those who do not have a romantic partner are left hating those who do and those who do are left too blissfully unaware of their surroundings to......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: Which New Year’s resolution is right for you?
ABBIE MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Reluctant Gemini As we head into the second month of the new year, the resolutions that we were so sure we would stick to start to fade from memory. The ball drop appears to have had the same effect as the neuralyzer in the “Men in Black”......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What to get each sign
ABBIE MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Acceptor of Any and All Gifts It’s just about that time. As the snow blankets campus and I desperately try (and repeatedly fail) not to slip on the ice that covers the walkway to Fenton Hall, the holiday season is upon us. For some of us, that......
[SATIRE] I hate Kia Souls
MEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor No, I do not want to see ya in a Kia. In fact, I do not want to see these cars parked, on the road, in a driveway or even in a demolition derby. I want to see the Soul in hell where it belongs. If......
Abbie’s Thanksgiving food tier list
ABBIE MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Thanksgiving Food Connoisseur S-Tier Items Mac and cheese: Look at that picture and tell me your mouth didn’t just start watering. That’s right — you can’t. This may be a hot take, but I firmly believe that mac and cheese belongs on everyone’s Thanksgiving Day platter. It......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: How do you rank?
ABBIE MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Extremely Opinionated Individual Since this issue is centered around opinions, I would be remiss if I didn’t give you the answers you’ve all been waiting for. Why do I characterize the Horoscopes the way I do every issue? What was going through my head when I labeled......
Ranking Politicians’ Merch
GEORGIA MORTILLARO Special to The Leader As we all very well know, fashion is one of the most important aspects of the political landscape. Just mere weeks from the Election Day itself, I’ll be rating the merchandise of the 2024 political candidates. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Designs: When you look......
Humans steal jobs created for AI: The irony of automation in reverse
CHATGPT Special to The Leader Graphic by CHATGBT | Special to The Leader In an ironic twist to the global narrative about artificial intelligence (AI) taking human jobs, a new trend is emerging: people are taking jobs initially intended for AI. With rising distrust in technology, companies and consumers alike......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes and it’s the same but I’m an alum so it’s different
JACE JACOBS Former Assistant Editor of The Scallion, “Adult” with a “Job” who “Has To Go To Work” What’s up Fredonians? I bet you thought you had seen the last of me, with my incredibly well-crafted, tear-stained Letter from the Desk Of and my gorgeous final horoscopes. WELL GUESS WHAT! ......