[SATIRE] Horoscopes: How is your sign getting into the fall spirit?
Reading Time: 3 minutesI hope you’re as excited as I am, but if you’re not, here are ways to get into the fall spirit based on your zodiac sign. ...
PLEASE write for the Scallion
Reading Time: 2 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor Hi. It’s me. Megan Kidby. Editor of The Scallion, SUNY Fredonia’s premier source for occasionally funny campus satire. And I am writing to you today with a very serious, very desperate plea: Please. For the love of caffeine and creative writing, join The Scallion. I cannot......
We need more squirrels on campus
Reading Time: 2 minutesTALON GRAVES Definitely Not A Hawk As a totally normal, incredibly average SUNY Fredonia student who definitely isn’t a red-tailed hawk perched ominously atop McEwen Hall, I am deeply concerned about the troubling decline of squirrel activity on campus. Let me be clear: this is not just about personal grievances,......
[SCALLION] From the “Sitdown” desk: My time in student media
Reading Time: 5 minutesBROCK PAPKE Special to The Leader It’s 2:55 a.m. I just dropped the penultimate episode of my show, “A Sitdown With Brock,” and I’m lying here on one of the old couches at the TV station’s green room, phone in hand, completely wiped — but still typing. That weird mix......
[SCALLION] There is no Class of 2029
Reading Time: 2 minutesMORGAN BROWN Asst. Business Manager It has come to the attention of our writing staff that Fredonia has ceased to source any students for the upcoming 2025-2026 academic year. May 1, known nationwide as Decision Day, will be a special occasion for us — we’ll be celebrating our first clean......
Our HONEST AND UNBIASED review of ‘A Sitdown With Brock’ series finale
Reading Time: 2 minutesWell, folks, here we are — “A Sitdown with Brock Papke” has officially “wrapped,” though technically, it’s more like a cliffhanger....
In defense of frats: The unsung heroes of Fredonia
Reading Time: 3 minutesMEGAN KIDBY Scallion Editor and Oozma Kappa Brother Megan Kidby cosplays as Steve Irwin to examine the wild terrain of frats. Graphic by LILIAN HOLMAN | Staff Artist Let us take a moment from our day — perhaps while nursing a Blue Light and blasting “FE!N” on a cracked Bluetooth......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What will your sign do after graduation?
Reading Time: 3 minutesABIGAIL MILLER Editor-in-Chief, Graduating Senior As I near the end of my undergraduate career at SUNY Fredonia, I’m left looking back on the experiences here that have shaped me. Positive and negative, the events I’ve endured here have made an impact on the person I am today in ways that......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What Leader executive board member are you?
Reading Time: 3 minutesABBIE MILLER Editor-in-Chief, All-Knowing Zodiac Specialist In all my days as The Leader’s resident zodiac expert (it’s only been a semester and a half), I’ve collected quite the knowledge on the traits of each horoscope sign. And as The Leader’s Editor-in-Chief, I possess perhaps too much understanding of the ins......
[SATIRE] Horoscopes: What kind of onion is your sign?
Reading Time: 3 minutesJACE JACOBS Former Assistant Editor of The Scallion, Semi-Professional Onion Researcher Good morrow, my dearest Fredonians! In the wise words of the greatest poet of our generation, guess who’s back, back, back, back again? (Spoiler alert: it’s me) In honor of The Scallion takeover of The Leader (which I have......