The Scallion - Page 85 of 88 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Longboard profile: meet “The Fastest Longboarder”

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 10, 2014

December 10, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesANITA TENSION Special to The Lampoon “Sometimes all you want to do is just get on your board and go, you know?” These are the words of a Fredonia longboarder, known simply as the “Fastest Longboarder” because he rides his longboard so fast. Estimates place his average velocity somewhere between......

Scallion

The important thing to remember now is that no matter what happens, I will always love you

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 10, 2014

December 10, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesTHE GHOST OF FREDFESTS PAST Special to The Leader Many a word has been bandied about between friends and university officials these past weeks, and the prevailing opinion seems clear: I, the Spirit of Fred Fest, may not be long for this world. And if, by some unlikely confluence of......

Scallion

Meet ‘That Puddle That’s Outside the Second-Story Door to the William’s Center and Has Been Forever Probably’

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 10, 2014

December 10, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesANITA TENSION Special to The Lampoon You’re leaving the Williams Center, headed for the library. You decide to take the bridge from the second story to expedite your journey. You push through two sets of heavy double doors, step outside and stop — your foot, it’s cold. And wet. And......

Scallion

Being Awkward: The Stairs

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 10, 2014

December 10, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesAWKWARD ANNIE Staff Lampoonist I never knew how out of shape I was until I started having all of my classes in Thompson on the third floor. I live on the third floor in my residence hall, but nothing compares to the dark stairway of hell leading up to the......

Scallion

University ad campaign shows off campus as frozen winter hellscape

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 3, 2014

December 3, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesCOLIN PERRY Special to The Lampoon The University has launched the next step in its advertising surge, giving prospective students a closer look at the Fredonia campus, as well as its bleak arctic atmosphere. Following in the format of previous ads, the new television commercial, set to air this week,......

Scallion

Five things I was grateful for this Thanksgiving

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 3, 2014

December 3, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesDARREN WILSON* Special to The Leader Boy, oh boy, what a year! We all certainly had our share of trials and tribulations — or tribulations, at least. No trial for me! God, I’m just so thankful for so much. 1. Miscarriage of justice. Thank god for Bob McCulloch, huh? What......

Scallion

Being Awkward: The price of being nice

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 19, 2014

November 19, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesAWKWARD ANNIE Staff Lampoonist Holding the door open for someone behind you is probably one of the most complex gestures of kindness a person can show another. You simply use your spidey senses to tell if someone is approaching you and stretch yourself as far as possible to keep the......

Scallion

Mourning a hero

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 19, 2014

November 19, 2014

Reading Time: < 1 minuteANITA TENSION Special to The Lampoon How do we define a hero? Is a hero a courageous person? Is a hero someone who overcomes insurmountable odds due to their stalwart moral convictions? Or, is a hero a large strepsirrhine primate of the family Lemuridae? We, at The Lampoon, think that......

Scallion

Sex and the SUNY: Finishing the Race

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 19, 2014

November 19, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesStaff Lampoonist You and your man have been churning the butter all night, your arms are as limp as a stir fry noodle and you don’t even have the strength to do one more pelvic thrust. Finally, your night of roasting the broomstick is coming to a close. Soon you......

Scallion

Being Awkward: The unreciprocated hello

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 12, 2014

November 12, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesAWKWARD ANNIE Staff Lampoonist Most of the time, I try to say hello to everyone I have ever been acquainted with. If I met you in line for food, if you are in one of my classes, if we have the same backpack, I’m going to stare at you until......

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Longboard profile: meet “The Fastest Longboarder”

The important thing to remember now is that no matter what happens, I will always love you

Meet ‘That Puddle That’s Outside the Second-Story Door to the William’s Center and Has Been Forever Probably’

Being Awkward: The Stairs

University ad campaign shows off campus as frozen winter hellscape

Five things I was grateful for this Thanksgiving

Being Awkward: The price of being nice

Mourning a hero

Sex and the SUNY: Finishing the Race

Being Awkward: The unreciprocated hello