The Scallion - Page 85 of 88 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

University ad campaign shows off campus as frozen winter hellscape

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 3, 2014

December 3, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesCOLIN PERRY Special to The Lampoon The University has launched the next step in its advertising surge, giving prospective students a closer look at the Fredonia campus, as well as its bleak arctic atmosphere. Following in the format of previous ads, the new television commercial, set to air this week,......

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Five things I was grateful for this Thanksgiving

Contributor to The LeaderDecember 3, 2014

December 3, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesDARREN WILSON* Special to The Leader Boy, oh boy, what a year! We all certainly had our share of trials and tribulations — or tribulations, at least. No trial for me! God, I’m just so thankful for so much. 1. Miscarriage of justice. Thank god for Bob McCulloch, huh? What......

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Being Awkward: The price of being nice

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 19, 2014

November 19, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesAWKWARD ANNIE Staff Lampoonist Holding the door open for someone behind you is probably one of the most complex gestures of kindness a person can show another. You simply use your spidey senses to tell if someone is approaching you and stretch yourself as far as possible to keep the......

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Mourning a hero

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 19, 2014

November 19, 2014

Reading Time: < 1 minuteANITA TENSION Special to The Lampoon How do we define a hero? Is a hero a courageous person? Is a hero someone who overcomes insurmountable odds due to their stalwart moral convictions? Or, is a hero a large strepsirrhine primate of the family Lemuridae? We, at The Lampoon, think that......

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Sex and the SUNY: Finishing the Race

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 19, 2014

November 19, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesStaff Lampoonist You and your man have been churning the butter all night, your arms are as limp as a stir fry noodle and you don’t even have the strength to do one more pelvic thrust. Finally, your night of roasting the broomstick is coming to a close. Soon you......

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Being Awkward: The unreciprocated hello

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 12, 2014

November 12, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesAWKWARD ANNIE Staff Lampoonist Most of the time, I try to say hello to everyone I have ever been acquainted with. If I met you in line for food, if you are in one of my classes, if we have the same backpack, I’m going to stare at you until......

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The Lampoon’s guide to Spring 2015 courses

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 12, 2014

November 12, 2014

Reading Time: 3 minutesSpecial to The Lampoon PHIL 299 Beating Batman One of the biggest questions in life is who, if anybody, could defeat Batman in a physical confrontation. This course will attempt to find an answer to that issue through simulation, critical evaluation of historical attempts and extensive readings from leading scholars......

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Sex and the SUNY: like a virgin, chin licked for the very first time

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 12, 2014

November 12, 2014

Reading Time: 2 minutesKELLY CANER Lampoonist It was Halloween weekend, and I was looking for any man to open my portal to Halloweentown. The only sexual experience I’d ever had was with Brian in the 9th grade, who brought out a tub of vaseline and used it to grease up his pink puffy......

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Bookstore to begin selling new ‘double wide’ longboards

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 12, 2014

November 12, 2014

Reading Time: < 1 minuteANITA TENSION Special to The Lampoon The University Bookstore announced Friday that, beginning in December, they would stock a new type of “double wide” longboard rumored to take up at least two times the amount of space on roads, sidewalks and in the aisles between desks in classrooms. The new......

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Baffling new graffiti tag found around campus

Contributor to The LeaderNovember 5, 2014

November 5, 2014

Reading Time: < 1 minuteCOLIN PERRY Special to The Lampoon University Police members are struggling to identify the meaning behind a series of alleged vandalism attacks across campus. The mysterious tag, pictured here, has been found painted across many of the university’s signs, hung on banners and even somehow hacked into the university’s website.......

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University ad campaign shows off campus as frozen winter hellscape

Five things I was grateful for this Thanksgiving

Being Awkward: The price of being nice

Mourning a hero

Sex and the SUNY: Finishing the Race

Being Awkward: The unreciprocated hello

The Lampoon’s guide to Spring 2015 courses

Sex and the SUNY: like a virgin, chin licked for the very first time

Bookstore to begin selling new ‘double wide’ longboards

Baffling new graffiti tag found around campus