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July 24, 2024
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From the Desk of Chloe Kowalyk: Editor in Chief

From the Desk of EJ Jacobs: Life & Arts Editor

From the Desk of Jace Jacobs: Asst. Scallion Editor

From the Desk of Nicole Thorson: Art Director

From the Desk of Henry Domst: Design Editor

From the Desk of Sierra Mills: Chief Copy Editor

[SATIRE] An interview with The Bachelor’s winner, Henry Domst

[OPINION] What COVID-19 inadvertently taught us

ITS unveils stratigic plan for technology

Dr. Kathryn Kendall takes on enrollment

The Leader
Scallion

“Wait you’re wearing a MAGA hat as a social experiment? That’s so profound, please have sex with me right now.”

Contributor to The Leader
DOM MAGISTRO Staff Scallywag Fredonia, NY – Charles Watts was seen wearing a red hat with the famous slogan “Make America Great Again” printed in large block letters on it around campus. Watts walked confidently across campus Thursday morning, alone. Known to be a very social person and rarely, if......
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Scallion

FSA Bakeshop struggles to meet student’s order for 10 tons of gingerbread dough

Contributor to The Leader
JAMES MEAD Patio BBQ Enthusiast The FSA Bakeshop, one of FSA’s many special events, offers a festive selection of cookies and cookie dough — but if you want gingerbread, you’re fresh out of luck. The Bakeshop was sent reeling this Monday after a sophomore, Noelle Carol, ordered 10 tons of......
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Scallion

My exams are coming up and I don’t feel like writing, so here’s a list of pasta types I like

Contributor to The Leader
JOSEPH MARCINIAK Editor of the Scallion Hi everyone. I know you all expect top-quality content from me every week, but alas, I am feeling quite lazy. Instead of some amazing article about the news or some hot take on a campus issue, here’s some different pasta types I like, in......
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Scallion

“Are YOU the person committing arson in Mason Hall?”

Contributor to The Leader
ALEXANDRA WALSH Guest Scallywag Andy Arson, sophomore communication major with a minor in “Spongebob” “F is for fires that we start in Mason U is for University Police N is for no witnesses anywhere down here in Mason Hall.” Mason Fire-Starter, senior pyro major with a minor in lying “Dude,......
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Scallion

Hi everyone, it’s me, the editor of the Scallion, but this time, I’ve got muscles! An open letter to the school

Contributor to The Leader
JOSEPH MARCINIAK Big Muscular Editor of the Scallion For years, I have strived to be a man with muscles. I usually walk around with noodle arms like many others. But my friends, I have some news. I, Joseph Marciniak, now have big muscles. As you can see by the image......
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Scallion

New Google Street View car crashes because manufacturer forgot to install Google Drive

Contributor to The Leader
COREY DALE-MILLER Guest Scallywag Breaking news: Florida man who drove Google Street View car with the supposed purpose of updating Google Maps crashed into an alligator this past Sunday. The man, Steri O. Type was found shirtless on the side of the road, tussling with the great beast. “What hath......
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