The Scallion - Page 27 of 85 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

[Satire] Pets’ perspective: The pandemic

Contributor to The LeaderApril 19, 2020April 17, 2020

April 19, 2020April 17, 2020

JULES HOEPTING Guest Scallywag Here at The Leader, we strive for balanced perspectives on important issues. It has been apparent that one COVID-19 highly affected group — the pets — has been practically ignored. As it turns out, just like us humans, pets are processing the pandemic in different ways. ......

Scallion

[Satire] This coronavirus has affected my motivation so much, I’m even too lazy to write this article

Contributor to The LeaderApril 18, 2020April 17, 2020

April 18, 2020April 17, 2020

JOSEPH MARCINIAK Scallion Editor...

Scallion

[Satire] With nothing else for people to do, these bizarre internet challenges are making a comeback

Contributor to The LeaderApril 15, 2020April 15, 2020

April 15, 2020April 15, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag The internet is an interesting and terrifying place. People who you’ve never met look right at you, say, “what’s up, guys!” and immediately start making bad decisions. It’s the future every concerned mom from the ‘80s was worried about their kids getting involved with. There are......

Scallion

[Satire] Wait, where is everyone?

Contributor to The LeaderApril 13, 2020April 7, 2020

April 13, 2020April 7, 2020

HANNAH BLIDY Confused Staff Scallywag Okay, so it’s been like three weeks since spring break, and I don’t think I’ve seen a single person on campus. Seriously — not one. I really just don’t know what’s going on. I’ve been going to my classes, but no one ever shows up!......

Scallion

Horoscopes 4/11/2020

Contributor to The LeaderApril 11, 2020April 7, 2020

April 11, 2020April 7, 2020

ALEXANDRA WALSH Guest Scallywag Aquarius: COVID-19? More like Hoevid-19, Aquarius. I see you on Tinder. Pisces: Wash your hands please, thank you. Aries: Social-distance yourself from Geminis… They are never good to quarantine with. Taurus: I know you miss the cutie you used to see every MWF in your class,......

Scallion

[Satire] Class attendance is at an all-time low this semester

Contributor to The LeaderApril 8, 2020April 9, 2020

April 8, 2020April 9, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag For some reason, there has been a serious drop in attendance in classes. Nowadays, it seems like nobody’s going to their classes anymore, myself included. I am guilty of missing class just as much as the next guy, but here’s my reasoning. I, for one, have......

Scallion

[Satire] In these trying times, we need to keep one group especially safe — the billionaires

Contributor to The LeaderApril 4, 2020April 1, 2020

April 4, 2020April 1, 2020

MATTHEW BAUM Staff Scallywag As we all know, this COVID-19 nonsense is taking up everyone’s group consciousness. In an attempt to flatten the curve, a vast majority of Americans are staying within their homes, and this is hardest on one group in particular: the mega-rich. Without access to private jet......

Scallion

[Satire] Breaking news: New disease found even more deadly than coronavirus, named bluelightvirus

Contributor to The LeaderApril 2, 2020April 1, 2020

April 2, 2020April 1, 2020

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag Stay calm everyone; everything will be okay. Or at least I hope to God, since we have another viral pandemic on our hands. Scallion scientists recently discovered a new disease, which they dubbed “bluelightvirus.” Victims of this disease experience symptoms such as low body temperature and......

Scallion

[Satire] I know everyone’s panicking about this whole coronavirus thing, but has anyone seen my pants?

Contributor to The LeaderApril 1, 2020April 1, 2020

April 1, 2020April 1, 2020

JOSEPH MARCINIAKBumbling Editor of the Scallion Hey everyone, I know we’re all panicked about this coronavirus thing, but I could really use some help with my pants situation. I placed them down somewhere and now I can’t find them! They’re a pair of Levi’s blue jeans, really nice, size 36-32.......

Scallion

I’m not like other girls, I do things that other girls do

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 23, 2020March 22, 2020

March 23, 2020March 22, 2020

HANNAH BLIDY Staff Scallywag (Disclaimer: you don’t have to have a period/menstrual cycle to be a girl. Whether you identify as a woman all the time or some of the time, this article is for you. Perhaps you’re just interested in reading it. Whatever floats your boat.) Omg, don’t you......

Theater kids are taking over Fredonia

Rating every 2025 Oscar award-winning movie

President Trump signs orders dismantling eight departments

[SATIRE] Fear and Loathing in Talladega: A Journey to Beer-Soaked…

[SCALLION/NEWS] Campus bus leaves students traumatized

[SATIRE/NEWS] Police Notters

Executive Vice President and Provost Dr. David Starrett abruptly leaves…

[SATIRE] Abigail Jacobson, news editor, cancels news

[SCALLION/SPORTS] Volz enlisted to help suffering Sabres

[SCALLION/NEWS] All hail the new era: The Scallion has taken…

[Satire] Pets’ perspective: The pandemic

[Satire] This coronavirus has affected my motivation so much, I’m even too lazy to write this article

[Satire] With nothing else for people to do, these bizarre internet challenges are making a comeback

[Satire] Wait, where is everyone?

Horoscopes 4/11/2020

[Satire] Class attendance is at an all-time low this semester

[Satire] In these trying times, we need to keep one group especially safe — the billionaires

[Satire] Breaking news: New disease found even more deadly than coronavirus, named bluelightvirus

[Satire] I know everyone’s panicking about this whole coronavirus thing, but has anyone seen my pants?

I’m not like other girls, I do things that other girls do