The Scallion - Page 49 of 84 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Californians found attempting to literally cut California off from the rest of the United States

Contributor to The LeaderMay 3, 2017August 25, 2019

May 3, 2017August 25, 2019

ALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Lampoonist Californians have had enough! They need to be liberated from the Trump regime. They will no longer stand for this. THEY MUST DIG. The duration of the bureaucratic process is gunking up the procedure of seceding from the United States of Trumps......

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Astronauts refuse to return from ISS until people of Earth calm the hell down

Contributor to The LeaderMay 3, 2017

May 3, 2017

EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist The astronauts on the International Space Station know better than anyone what it means to be scared: suspended hundreds of feet off of the Earth’s surface for months at a time. The crew’s official mission is to conduct research and finish......

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Lampoon Review: ‘DAMN.’ by Kendrick Lamar

Contributor to The LeaderApril 26, 2017August 15, 2019

April 26, 2017August 15, 2019

ALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Lampoonist “DAMN.” DAMN! This album can be best summed up with the word DANG, because dang it is good. That, of course, does not mean that we did not have some criticisms for the album. The album starts with “BLOOD.” and immediately it seems as......

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TSA officers begin inspecting genitalia at bathrooms

Contributor to The LeaderApril 26, 2017

April 26, 2017

JACLYN SPIEZIA Staff Lampoonist TSA officers have been stationed at bathrooms across the nation to ensure that citizens must use the bathroom to which their genitalia matches, regardless of their individual gender expression. Bathrooms where TSA officers are stationed are barely being used, however. Reporters have asked people why......

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United we stand, in Pepsi we trust: Supersoak that ho

Contributor to The LeaderApril 26, 2017

April 26, 2017

PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist In a surprising turn of events, the popular airline you associate with humiliating assault, United Airlines, has taken a tip from PepsiCo advertising in serving the cold drink to help eliminate onboard violence. United Airlines CEO Boris Dilitant had much to say about the......

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Police Notter

Contributor to The LeaderApril 26, 2017

April 26, 2017

FORREST ECKERT and JACLYN SPIEZIA Special to the Lampoon and Staff Lampoonist Thursday, April 20, 2017 On Thursday night, a student was found wandering the road looking into holes. When questioned, the student responded that he was looking for pot. Friday, April 21, 2017 A ballerina filed a......

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Video game bandit convinced the arrow shot through head was ‘just the wind’

Contributor to The LeaderApril 26, 2017September 2, 2019

April 26, 2017September 2, 2019

TRAVIS LEFEVRE Lampoon Editor While on guard duty at an underground camp outside of Rorikstead, a video game bandit was the victim of a gruesome attack, having an arrow lodged in his head by an unknown assailant. The arrow seems to have caused brain damage to the victim, as......

Scallion

Trump revealed as Russian nesting doll

Contributor to The LeaderApril 19, 2017September 9, 2019

April 19, 2017September 9, 2019

ALBERTO GONZALEZ Staff Lampoonist As of recently, it seems like news regarding the White House and President Donald Trump can not go on without also including his possible ties to Russia. This connection has been strengthened with the recent revelations that the FBI is investigating......

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Report: College professors out to make your day a living hell: Believe the rumors

Contributor to The LeaderApril 19, 2017

April 19, 2017

PATRICK BENNETT Staff Lampoonist After being caught having sexual relations with multiple dinosaurs in the Science Center, freshman biology major Winky Houdini passed out from exhaustion last week. This exhaustion, according to doctors, wasn’t caused by prehistoric coitus but rather a tough workload this semester. Upon......

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The Lampoon’s Guide to Surviving WWIII

Contributor to The LeaderApril 19, 2017

April 19, 2017

EMMA PATTERSON Staff Lampoonist As World War III (most likely) approaches, this list is the No. 1 survival guide you should have in your back pocket/fanny pack/weapon holster. You never know when you’re going to need a little help surviving the pre-apocalypse! Replace your......

Humans steal jobs created for AI: The irony of automation…

[SATIRE] Megan’s Sports Roundup: Sports from someone who DEFINITELY knows…

Professor Peter Tucker reflects on his time at Fredonia

Trumps wins 2024 presidential election

Fredonia’s violinist David Rose performs from the heart

[SATIRE] Horoscopes and it’s the same but I’m an alum…

The ‘surprisingly chaotic’ Canadaway Creek

Digging into the impact of Fredonia’s faculty cuts

From EBC to Tiki: Fredonia staple changes ownership

Reviving community through leadership on the field

Californians found attempting to literally cut California off from the rest of the United States

Astronauts refuse to return from ISS until people of Earth calm the hell down

Lampoon Review: ‘DAMN.’ by Kendrick Lamar

TSA officers begin inspecting genitalia at bathrooms

United we stand, in Pepsi we trust: Supersoak that ho

Police Notter

Video game bandit convinced the arrow shot through head was ‘just the wind’

Trump revealed as Russian nesting doll

Report: College professors out to make your day a living hell: Believe the rumors

The Lampoon’s Guide to Surviving WWIII