Reading Time: 3 minutesCapricorn (22 Dec-20 Jan) February is your month Capricorn! You will be very successful with reeling in the bae’s if you are in the market for some lovin. If not, I’m sorry but you’re just gonna have to stay inside because the hotties will be all over you like bees......

Reading Time: 2 minutesRITA PAEPER Special to the Lampoon Aries: An opportunity for personal growth will present itself soon. Unfortunately, it will do so in the form of some asshole who sits behind you in class and mouth-breathes heavily onto the back of your neck. Refrain from making a grisly scene and you......

Reading Time: < 1 minuteANITA TENSION Special to the Lampoon This semester’s activities night, where on-campus organizations court prospective members, will feature several new groups. Among these, the one generating the most buzz is a new fraternity, ‘Jama Pie,” which bills itself as an inclusive, “chill community for people who just want to hang......

Reading Time: 2 minutesAWKWARD ANNIE Staff Lampoonist I never knew how out of shape I was until I started having all of my classes in Thompson on the third floor. I live on the third floor in my residence hall, but nothing compares to the dark stairway of hell leading up to the......