The Scallion - Page 78 of 83 - The Leader, SUNY Fredonia's student-run newspaper

Five signs I might be microaggressing and how I plan to stop if I get the time

Contributor to The LeaderApril 10, 2015

April 10, 2015

A CONCERNED CITIZEN Special to the Lampoon I see things objectively. While I see where everyone’s coming from, the fact remains that I have a unique perspective which I get from my ability to detach myself from my experiences and circumstances. I’m aware of the world and acknowledge its......

Scallion

Secret Fredonia Recipe

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 27, 2015

March 27, 2015

SARA WILD Special to the Lampoon Serves up one happy Fredonian Ingredients Directions 4 cups tradition 1. Take ingredients and mix with an icebreaker 2 cups Thompsons stairs 2. Blend in a handful of learning experiences Pinch of dodging longboarders 3. Mix with a full commuter lot 2 cups cheesy......

Scallion

Sallie Mae just emails to remind you it knows where your family lives

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 27, 2015

March 27, 2015

ANNE ARKY Special to the Lampoon WILLIAMSVILLE — Financial company Sallie Mae emailed numerous students last week, including yourself, to drop a friendly reminder that it knows where your family lives and that it has eyes everywhere. The email is nothing new for Sallie Mae, which probably owns you and......

Scallion

Area research papers announce plans to write selves

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 27, 2015

March 27, 2015

ANITA TENSION Special to the Lampoon In an unprecedented move, a coalition of every research paper currently assigned to a Fredonia student, including the one currently assigned to you, issued an official statement Monday, announcing their collective plans to write themselves. The statement — which undoubtedly comes as a relief......

Scallion

New line of Apple devices powered entirely by user’s consumerist void

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 27, 2015

March 27, 2015

RITA PAEPER Special to the Lampoon In a press conference last Monday, Apple CEO Tim Cook announced a bold and innovative line of products powered entirely by the material emptiness of the owner. “This is an historic moment,” said Cook. “Not only are these products slimmer, sleeker and narrower than......

Scallion

An open letter to the blatant mid-semester seat stealers: You Have Been Warned!

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 13, 2015

March 13, 2015

NAOMI LYNCH Staff Writer Dear Blatant Mid-Semester Seat Stealer, You’d be an excellent dictator, since you’re so adept at taking what you want. You’d also be a excellent dictator, because you were born to fall! This is not only a letter to you, but a PSA to all of you......

Scallion

Partnership with Amazon raises money for scholarships

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 13, 2015

March 13, 2015

TARA DACTYL Special to the Lampoon The College Foundation has partnered with Amazon in an effort to raise money for scholarships for Fredonia students. Members of the College Foundation are thrilled to have the opportunity to be able to fundraise and give students assistance where they need it most: paying......

Scallion

This week’s horoscope

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 13, 2015

March 13, 2015

ANITA TENSION Special to the Lampoon Aries: The problem is both bigger and more severe than you think it is. You can not prevent the impending disaster, only minimize the consequences. Taurus: Someone you love is plotting against you. Sorry. Gemini: Either you have eaten an expired food item in......

Scallion

Op-Ed: Pornography gave me unrealistic expectations about the number of available delivery jobs out there

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 5, 2015

March 5, 2015

PAUL E. AMOREE Special to the Lampoon I used to be like any other American dude: I drank my ketchup every day like a good boy. I fired my assault rifle into the air seven times a day — that’s two more than the five times mandated for every American......

Scallion

Local stupid moron in serious debt

Contributor to The LeaderMarch 5, 2015

March 5, 2015

ANNE ARKEY Special to the Lampoon In an announcement issued Friday night, Fredonia student and complete idiot Anne Arkey, 22, admitted to having “really gone and done it this time,” saying she was “absolutely screwed” if she could not find a solution to the “like forty thousand dollars with a......

[SATIRE] Megan’s Sports Roundup: Sports from someone who DEFINITELY knows…

Professor Peter Tucker reflects on his time at Fredonia

Trumps wins 2024 presidential election

Fredonia’s violinist David Rose performs from the heart

[SATIRE] Horoscopes and it’s the same but I’m an alum…

The ‘surprisingly chaotic’ Canadaway Creek

Digging into the impact of Fredonia’s faculty cuts

From EBC to Tiki: Fredonia staple changes ownership

Reviving community through leadership on the field

Lovercolumn: The Transgender Experience

Five signs I might be microaggressing and how I plan to stop if I get the time

Secret Fredonia Recipe

Sallie Mae just emails to remind you it knows where your family lives

Area research papers announce plans to write selves

New line of Apple devices powered entirely by user’s consumerist void

An open letter to the blatant mid-semester seat stealers: You Have Been Warned!

Partnership with Amazon raises money for scholarships

This week’s horoscope

Op-Ed: Pornography gave me unrealistic expectations about the number of available delivery jobs out there

Local stupid moron in serious debt